60 Lizard Jokes That Will Leave You Hiss-terical

Get ready to giggle, chuckle, and clutch your sides in hiss-teria, as we’re about to embark on a reptile-tickling journey loaded with fun! Dive into a list that’s packed with 60 tongue-flicking, tail-whacking and totally scaly lizard jokes, so amusing, even the grumpiest Gila Monster would crack a smile.

Why did the lizard cross the road? What do you call an alligator in a vest? We aren’t going to spoil the answers here, but we assure you, each groan-worthy pun and joke is bound to fill your day with laughter. Keep calm, adjust your scales, and get ready to be tickled green by this rib-tickling compilation of lizard levity!

  • Why did the lizards start a business? They wanted to make their scale-up successful
  • How do lizards decorate the floors in their homes? They cover them with rep-tiles!
  • What happens when a prehistoric lizard exercises more than it should? It becomes a Dino-sore!
  • Why was the reptile with no tail the perfect owner for the new car shop in town? Because he was de-tailed!
  • Why was the professor so impressed with the speed with which his students learned all about reptiles? Because they just seemed to get it from the gec-ko.
  • What do you call a lizard that has an issue with waking up in the morning? A coma-eleon!
  • Which breed of lizard is best for security patrol at a school? A hallway monitor.
  • What do you call a hopeful lizard? An op-chameleon-ist
  • Why did the reptile get promoted? Because he scaled the corporate ladder
  • What is another name for a dead lizard? A die-nosaur.
  • Two lizards attempted to cross the road. The first makes it across and the second gets hit by a car three quarters of the way across. What did the first lizard say? “That’s my flat mate! ”
  • What do you get when you cross a lizard with an English textbook? A punctual chameleon!
  • Why did the lizard bring sunscreen to the beach? He didn’t want to have a ssss-sunburn
  • Which reptile makes the best crime solving detective? An investi-gator!
  • If four reptiles are hanging out on the ceiling and one of them does an acrobatic flip to impress the others, how many would be left on the ceiling? None, because the rest of them fell off when they cheered their friend on.
  • What is a lizard’s favorite place to hang out? A lounge-izard
  • What do you call a lizard that goes around stealing food from the other reptiles? Cold-blooded!
  • Which type of lizard is best suited for a career in the technology sector? Monitor lizards!
  • What do you call a rich reptile? A Cha-meleon-aire!
  • What did the lizard use to film his vacation? A camele-on camera
  • Why did the lizard go on a diet? It had too many rolls
  • Why did the lizard get a degree in Business Administration? Because he hoped to become an admin-iguana
  • What metal is named in honor of a Chameleon? Tungsten, of course.
  • I knew it was a mistake buying a Chameleon while I was at the pet store. I lost it in the car on the way home.
  • What do you call a smelly lizard that hasn’t bathed in weeks? A skinky reptile!
  • What kind of lizard works at a pizzeria? A pie-thon
  • Why don’t lizards play video games? They prefer the great outsss-ide
  • What kind of lizard doesn’t mind living in snowy climates? A monitor b-lizard.
  • I saw a talking lizard at the comedy club the other day. He was a real stand-up chameleon.
  • What kind of lizard makes a great song artist? A rap-tile, of course!
  • Why do you not have to worry about what you say around a lizard wearing headphones? Because it can’t hear you!
  • What does a lizard say when he likes something? That’s sssssssuper!
  • What do you call a reptile that loves to meditate? A Calm-eleon!
  • How do lizards replace their tail when it falls off? They take a trip to the retail store.
  • I was at the zoo with my girlfriend checking out all of the cool lizards they had. While we were watching some of the lizards, we kept hearing one of them repeat its sounds. I guess it was a g-echo.
  • What unit of measurement is used by all lizards when inspecting their eggs? Scales.
  • What do you call a lizard that sings? A lizard Bono
  • What is another name for a Japanese lizard? A Kimono Dragon!
  • What kind of lizard is known for telling nothing but lies about everyone around it? A slandermander.
  • What kind of lizard is a really big fan of bat poop? An iguano!
  • What do you get if you put a Chameleon in a dark room? A Chameleoff!
  • What do lizards use to clean their scales? Rep-tide detergent
  • Why did the lizard refuse to play cards in the jungle? Because he was afraid of cheetahs
  • What kind of tea do reptiles prefer to drink with their meals? Chamomile tea!
  • Why was the male lizard so sad? Because his mate just eye rolled at him when he gave her a card that said “Iguana be your valentine. ”
  • What is the term for a lizard that has a problem with mating? A reptile dysfunction.
  • Why was the lizard good at baseball? He knew how to catch flies
  • What do you call a lizard that designs buildings? An archi-tectonic plate
  • What do you call a lazy lizard? Un-dino-motivated
  • I went to the dinosaur museum on the weekend and they had a new exhibit of an ugly prehistoric lizard. I didn’t see what it was called, so I gave it my own name. The Eye-a-saurus.
  • How do you confuse a Chameleon? Surround it with different coloured objects.
  • What did the palaeontologist say when he discovered a prehistoric lizard with wings? Look, it’s a Dino-soaring!
  • When is a door not a door? When it’s a dino-saur
  • Why are lizards always on time? They wear new timex-skin watches
  • What do you call a religious lizard? A praisentologist
  • Why did the lizard say hello to his reflection? He had a ssss-split personality
  • What do you call a lizard that likes to play chess? A check-mate
  • Why don’t lizards use smartphones? Too many bugs
  • What made the reptile decide to go on a diet? Because his scales broke when he checked his weight.
  • What do you call a news report that incorrectly portrays lizards? Fake Newts.

So, we’ve truly scaled the heights of humor with our list of 60 lizardy laughs. Whether you’re a gecko enthusiast, a crazy chameleon fan, or a staunch supporter of the slick salamander, we’ve had something to tickle your funny bone. Hopefully, you’re not too ‘lizard out’ from laughing, because these jokes are enough to make any reptile giggle its tail off. Remember, laughter is universal. Just like our slithery friends, it can sneak up on you in the most unexpected moments. So, keep those smiles coming. After all, a day without a giggle is like a lizard without any sun… pretty cold! Stay warm, folks, and keep spreading the pun shine!