53 Broccoli Puns That Will Make You Chuckle and Crave Veggies

Be prepared to veg out because we’re about to plant a seed of laughter in your day with a healthy dose of humor about everyone’s favorite green veggie – broccoli! While broccoli might be most known for initiating some intense dinner table standoffs, it’s time to give this nutritious nibble its due limelight and present it as the root of witty puns and savory chuckles.

With a total of 53 hearty puns on the menu, you might just find yourself snickering and craving a bite of this leafy treat. Not only are these quips good for a hearty laugh, but we hope they’ll make your day a bit more bunch-ful of good vibes. So come on, don’t leaf us hanging – dive into this green wonderland of humor that’s as delightful as a crisp, fresh spear of broccoli. Happy chuckling and munching!

  • What did the broccoli say to the celery? Lettuce have a good thyme!
  • What do you get when you cross a watermelon with a head of broccoli? Melon-ccoli.
  • What do you call the act of stealing broccoli from a farmer’s pocket? Pick-broc-eting.
  • I went to see the doctor today and while I was waiting in the lobby for my appointment, another patient came in with broccoli stuffed up one nostril, a carrot sticking out of his left ear, and a bunch of corn in his hair. The doctor came out of his office and instead of greeting us, he immediately looked at the patient and said “I can already tell you what your problem is, you are not eating right! ”
  • What is broccoli’s favorite type of chant? Broc-n-roll!
  • It was revealed that Bruce Lee had a brother. Can you guess what his name is? Broccoli!
  • Why did the broccoli get promoted to a higher office? He was a plant of action!
  • What did the broccoli say to its date? Lettuce turnip the beet!
  • Why did the broccoli lose at poker? He was in a high steak game.
  • What does broccoli use when taking its dog for a walk around the block? A brocco-leash.
  • How does broccoli pay its bills? It uses a lot of cheddar.
  • What is broccoli’s favorite genre of music? Broc and Roll!
  • How does broccoli bid farewell? With a brocco-wave!
  • Why did the broccoli go to therapy? He needed to process his stem issues.
  • Why was the broccoli arrested? He had too many floret traffic violations.
  • What is the most dangerous type of broccoli? A brocco-lion!
  • What is the proper name for a broccoli ghost? Cauliflower.
  • Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing and broccoli was already dressed.
  • What do you get when you mix broccoli with a crocodile? A brocco-dile!
  • What do you call a broccoli that runs out of money? Broke-oli!
  • Why was the broccoli fired from the restaurant? He couldn’t cut it.
  • While the cook was greeting a customer, an argument broke out amongst the broccoli, cauliflower, radishes and brussel sprouts in the kitchen. The cook paused mid greeting, gave the customer an apologetic look and said “Excuse me a moment, I have some floret management to take care of real quick. ”
  • What do you call a tall piece of broccoli? Stalky
  • What does broccoli use to repair its torn pants? Vegetable patches.
  • What does broccoli say when it calls shotgun? Buckle up, it’s going to be a bumpy floret!
  • Why was the broccoli so upset about being served with dinner? Because it was really steaming!
  • My mom wanted to plant a bunch of broccoli seeds in the garden today, but it was already brocc-upied by volunteer veggies from last year.
  • Why does the tomato always win races against the broccoli? Because it is not a vegetable.
  • Why are the vegetables afraid of the lake? Because that is where the Broc Ness monster lives.
  • There is one key difference between boogers and broccoli. What is it? Children do not always eat broccoli.
  • My cousin was complaining about his co-workers continuously calling him broccoli instead of his real name. When I asked him why they were doing it, he said it was because he was having a bad hair day.
  • Have you heard about the broccoli that had a hit single? He’s a pop star.
  • Which vegetable do computers like the most? Data-broc-coli!
  • Why did the broccoli get a promotion? He was head and stalks above the rest.
  • What is broccoli’s favorite month of the year? Broc-tober.
  • Why didn’t the broccoli get invited to the salad party? Because it was a little too fresh!
  • Why was the broccoli feeling chilly? Because it was a little floret!
  • When I got home from the grocery store, I noticed that the head of broccoli that I decided to leave in the produce section had somehow made it into my produce bag. It was then that I realized that the broccoli was stalk-ing me!
  • What do you call a vampire that has been genetically altered with broccoli? Count Broccula!
  • Did you hear the new nickname they gave Dwayne Johnson after he went vegan? Dwayne ‘The Broc’ Johnson.
  • A broccoli and an onion got into a fight on a fishing boat, causing it to sink. When the investigators published their report, the cause was listed as “Boat sunk as a result of a brocco-leak split in the hull.
  • Why did the carrot break up with the broccoli? He was sick of the stalk-ing.
  • Why is broccoli referred to as a royal vegetable? Because it has many crowns.
  • Which vegetable is the chicken’s favorite to eat? Broc, broc, boccoli!
  • Why did the broccoli join the circus? It wanted to be a stalk tumbler.
  • What is the name of the condition that causes people to randomly yell the names of Cruciferous vegetables? Florets!
  • What might you call a group of broccoli trees? Broc-forest!
  • Who is the head of the vegetable debate team? The broccoli-der!
  • The broccoli got a flat tire on the way to work and when he phoned the tow company for assistance, they asked him if he had an extra tire, to which he replied “Of course I have an asparagus! ”
  • What do you call broccoli that is really sad? A melon-ccoli vegetable.
  • Why is everyone in Hollywood going green? They heard Broccoli was up for an Oscar.
  • Why is broccoli so noisy? Because you can’t silence the doubting florets.
  • A broccoli and a cauliflower robbed a bank the other day. When they were making their getaway, they got in a cab and instructed the radish behind the wheel to floret!

And so, we reach the garden’s tail end of our hearty 53 broccoli jokes and puns. After all that laughing, your tummy is probably rumbling for some of those wholesome, tree-like veggies! Because, let’s face it, in the grand salad of life, it’s impossible to resist those little green comedians. We hope these puns left you both chuckling and craving a crunchy broccoli snack. Remember, humor is like broccoli – it might seem tough at first, but it’s ultimately really good for you! Dive into the joy of veggie humor every chance you can and keep that laughter garden growing, one broccoli pun at a time.