62 Card Puns That Will Make You the Ace of Laughter

Let’s shuffle up some fun and deal with the laughter, folks! We’ve conjured up a deck of 62 wildly funny and amusing card puns and jokes, ready to be played at your next friendly gathering or party. No need for poker faces here, these puns promise to turn even the grumpiest queen of hearts into a jolly joker!

So, whether you’re a hearts enthusiast, a solitaire buff, or a blackjack aficionado, these puns will tickle your funny bone and make you the king or queen of comic relief! Get ready to ‘suit’ up and dive into the rollicking ocean of hilarity, because every single pun here is guaranteed to be an absolute ‘jack’pot!

  • What does a footballer and a magician who lost his cards have in common? Both do hat-tricks.
  • How can you buy four suits for under $5? Buy a deck of cards.
  • How did the kid get his report card wet? It was below “sea” level.
  • The concierge at the hotel must have a thing for tips. I asked him to get me a deck of cards and it took 52 trips.
  • I got something sticky on my playing cards. I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
  • Why was the credit card put in jail? It was guilty as charged.
  • What cards have the best dance moves? The King and Queen of clubs.
  • A magician was found dead in his home, police believe he spooked himself to death with his new deck of tarot cards.
  • Why does Batman always lose at cards? He always attracts the Joker.
  • Why did the pirates have a hard time playing cards? The captain kept standing on the deck.
  • What do you call a magician who uses playing cards? Card-dini.
  • I told the doctor that I felt like a pack of cards. He said he would deal with me later.
  • Why did the computer take its coffee back? It had a bad Java Card.
  • Did you hear about the cheese who lost a game of cards? It just wasn’t feeling gouda.
  • What’s the national card game of North Korea? Kim Jong Uno.
  • What makes a bull stop charging? Taking away its credit card.
  • Why did the tiger keep losing at cards? His opponent was a cheetah.
  • Playing cards in the oval office always stinks. The president always pulls out his trump card.
  • Someone stole my grandpa’s pack of cards. It took him a while to deal with the loss.
  • What does Thanos like to play in his free time? Snaps.
  • What card game do photographers like the most? Snap.
  • I can argue about which card games are the best, but I would have to say Uno is number 1.
  • Why did Cinderella get kicked out of the football team? She kept running away from the ball and throwing her cards.
  • What do you call a cat that can deal with a deck of cards? A shuffler.
  • Why don’t pirates play cards? They always stand on the deck.
  • Why are decks so good at advising? They always play their cards right.
  • My friend was having trouble paying his water bill, so I sent him a “get well soon” card.
  • What do you call a dog magician with a deck of cards? A labracadabrador.
  • What do you call an insect with a pack of cards? Ant & Deck.
  • The banker told me he could get me a credit card with zero interest. I said “why bother then? ”
  • Why was the Halloween party at the casino so popular? Everyone had a ghost of a chance to be dealt a great hand.
  • Why did everyone trust the card deck? It was always very straightforward, no dealing behind the back.
  • A police officer accused me of playing music too loud, I replied, I can’t help it, I’m just playing the cards life dealt.
  • I found a problem on my donor card record. It’s a type O…
  • Card games can be so one-sided sometimes.
  • Why does a pharaoh never play cards whilst in the pyramid? Too many cheops.
  • I was leaving my friend’s funeral the other day and a kid left a “get well soon” card on his grave. Poor kid.
  • Two cows got together to smoke and play cards. The steaks were very high.
  • Why was the deck of cards all over the road? It lost its suit in court.
  • How did the solar panel pay its poker debts? With its energy credits.
  • There’s a much simpler way to play Go Fish. Just say “no”.
  • I accidentally used my donor card instead of my credit card one time. It cost me an arm and a leg.
  • Marriage can be a lot like a deck of cards. You start out with two hearts and a diamond, but by the end you wish you had a club and a spade.
  • Why did the card date the money? It was just naturally drawn to currency.
  • Why are snakes masters at card games? They don’t have any hands to lose.
  • I caught covid with a deck of cards. You could say I was in solitaire confinement.
  • My wife told me she wanted something with a lot of diamonds. She’s gonna love this pack of playing cards.
  • Why did the card go to jail? It was caught dealing.
  • Why did the mosquito love playing cards? Because he had an amazing poker face.
  • Where do you go to college to learn about card games? The Unoversity.
  • Why are card games like the jungle? Because every couple of minutes, a cheetah.
  • What game did the scam artist always win at? Go phish.
  • What do wolves and playing cards have in common? They arrive in packs.
  • What do crows use when they buy a cellphone? A cawing card.
  • Why did the computer go to rehab? It had a severe case of card addiction.
  • How is a miniature pony similar to a deck of cards? They’re both jokers.
  • One time, I was getting carded at the liquor store, but my blockbuster card fell out. The cashier changed his mind.
  • One time, a man ate a deck of cards. Hours later, he had to drop a deuce.
  • What did the cantaloupe write on its valentine’s day card? You’re one in a melon.
  • Did you hear about the kidnapping at the casino? It was okay, they woke up!
  • Why didn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired to play cards.
  • Did you know letters got banned from the casino? Because the A always comes before the K.

Whether you’re a card shark or just playing Go Fish, we’ve delivered a royal flush of 62 card puns to keep you laughing, shuffling, and dealing out more humor in your everyday life. May your sense of humor be always wild, your jokes never fold, and your laughter be contagious enough to trump any bad day. So before you poker-face your way out of here, consider sharing these zingers, because after all, life is a game and it’s always better when we play our cards right and remember to laugh along the way. Now go ahead, bet high on giggles and let the fun spill out another round; we’re done dealing here but feel free to reshuffle and replay anytime you need a lighthearted pick-me-up!