55 Snail Puns That Will Shell-shock You with Laughter

Slide into a world of hilarity, where comedy and gastropods connect for a rollercoaster of rib-tickling shenanigans. Welcome, dear readers, to an incredible collection of puns and jokes inspired by the slightly slimy, shell-adorned, steady-paced creature we fondly know as the snail. Here you’ll find 55 whacky and whimsical jests sure to leave you shell-shocked with laughter.

No need to rush, we’re on snail time here. Unravel the fun thread at a leisurely pace. We bet you’re going to love the quirkiness within, just as much as a snail loves its shell. This is an invitation only extended to those brave enough to encounter an explosion of humor. So, if you’re ready to spiral into a world of giggles, chuckles and chortles, prepare yourself, because these snail-themed capers will have you laughing in a ‘snail’s pace’. So cling on to your antennas, folks, and let’s begin this journey of jocularity!

  • Why was the snail so calm during its defeat? It knew it couldn’t win the race because it didn’t have the guts.
  • I was driving in the city earlier this week and while I was stopped at a red light, a car pulled up next to me with a big “S” painted on the side. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that the passengers were all snails. Without skipping a beat, I turned to my buddy who was in the passenger seat and said, “Well would you look at that S-car-go! ”
  • If a snail could talk, what would it say while riding on its turtle friend’s back? WHEEE!
  • What do you call a snail wearing eyeliner in public? A mascaragot!
  • I stepped on a snail on my way to the car this morning and felt absolutely horrible about it. You should have seen the poor little guy, he looked completely crushed.
  • Why is a snail the best player to have on any baseball team? Because they are real sluggers.
  • What did the octopus say to her injured sea snail friend? Sea-kelp!
  • What is the difference between a snail with its shell and a snail that has lost its shell? One is much more sluggish.
  • During my time in the NAVY, I saw more than a few snails at sea. We took to calling them Snailors and kept them as pets during our deployments.
  • Why was the farmer that opened a snail farm so sad? Because his business was going super slow.
  • Why do snails always know the time? Because they always carry a shell-o-clock!
  • What do you call a snail who just won the lottery? A snaillionaire!
  • My snail buddy went to the doctor today because he kept passing out at work. She told him he was just badly dehydrated and needed a snailine solution to set him right.
  • What do you call a group of musical snails? A shellchestra!
  • What did the snail say when it realized it had only made it halfway across the yard after traveling all day? Oh how slime flys.
  • Why is it so entertaining to watch snails going at it in a boxing match? Because they really know how to slug it out!
  • What do you call a snail’s birthday? A shellabration!
  • Why are snails so good at baseball? They always hit sluggy!
  • Why did the snail cross the road? To get to the shell station!
  • I went to a comedy show tonight and the comedian legitimately had a joke about snails in his act. It was shellarious. The audience couldn’t stop laughing. I think he really snailed the act.
  • How do snails communicate from one end of the pond to the other? With their shell phones.
  • Why did the snail refuse the tequila shot? Because it didn’t come with a grain of salt!
  • Why don’t snails ever forget? Because they have snail-photographic memories!
  • What’s a snail’s favorite soccer position? The goal-slugger!
  • Why was the snail so popular? Because it was always the life of the shellebration!
  • What’s a snail’s favorite fast food? Shell Tacos!
  • Do you know what makes a snail one of the strongest creatures in the world? It carries an entire house on its back!
  • Why was the snail obsessed with trying to crawl onto peoples smartphones while they were picnicking in the park? Because it was addicted to taking shellfies.
  • How do snails keep their shells looking so shiny all the time? They take their shells through the varnish wash.
  • Why are snails so good at maths? Because it counts its backpack to find the answer.
  • Why are snails such good artists? Because they always have time to perfect the details!
  • What does a snail say when it answers its phone? Shello!
  • I once knew a man that decided to form a snail racing team. He figured that if he could just get them to come out of their shells a little more, they would be a lot faster. Instead of becoming quicker, they all became sluggish.
  • I was out for a walk earlier today and I saw a man throwing salt around  in his front yard. Curious, I asked him what he was doing. “Dealing with a slug problem, ” he said. Talk about an all-out a-salt!
  • What did the snail say during the football game? Go long snail, go long!
  • What did the snail say to the other snail at the bar? Time to hit the shell road!
  • What kind of relationship advice are you likely to receive from a snail life coach? They are almost guaranteed to tell you to “Take it slow. ”
  • Why did the snail subscribe to the newspaper? To stay updated on current shell events!
  • What makes snails say silly things all the time? Their feet are always in their mouths.
  • What do you call a dead snail that comes back to haunt the person that stepped on it? An Escarghost!
  • Why don’t snails use glue? It would stick them to their slime tracks.
  • Where do giant snails come from? The tips of a giant’s fingers.
  • What makes snails such an appealing delicacy to the French? They don’t care for fast food as much as the rest of the world.
  • What did the snails yell when their team finally won a race? Shell yeah!
  • Why don’t snails use Google Maps? They prefer to slime their own path.
  • Why don’t snails use umbrellas? Because they carry their shelters on their back!
  • Why don’t snails ever fight? Because rather than arguing, they’d shell it out!
  • Why do snails always win at poker? Because they are good at hiding their tells under their shells!
  • What happened when the snail was evicted from its home? It became a real slug.
  • What makes a French snail so much faster than any other snail in the world? They have l’ess cargo to weigh them down.
  • What do you call a business that trades in different kinds of snails from all over the world? A shell company.
  • What do you call a snail that has lost its shell? An es-car-gone!
  • Why was the snail always late? It got caught up in a slug jam.
  • What do snails wear on their heads when they go climbing? A shellmet!
  • Why do snails make great secret agents? Because they’re masters of slit and hide!

Well, there you have it folks – we’ve raced (uh, maybe that’s not the best word) through 55 shell-arious snail puns. Did they amuse you at a snail’s pace or leave you slowing down for more? Either way, we trust they’ve brought you a little amusement, a shell-load of chuckles and maybe even a snicker or too. As this slimy, slow but sure show of puns draws to a close, don’t be sluggish – keep sharing the laughs. Remember, laughter always wins, by a – dare I say it – a landslide?