81 Hilarious Sleep Puns and Jokes That Will Keep You Up at Night

Get ready to dive into a world where slumber tickles your funny bone and alarms are the punchline. Embrace the side of sleep that will send rumbles of laughter rolling through your body instead of lulling you to dreamland. Here, we’ll explore a universe where mattresses conspire, alarm clocks are the villains, and the sandman is the ultimate stand-up comedian.

With just one more scroll down, you’re one click closer to savoring an incredible dream feast of 81 hilarious sleep-themed puns and jokes. But be warned – these are not your standard bedtime stories, so try not to giggle doing the late-night snack run. So, ease into your comfy PJs, loosen up your funny bones, and hold on tight to your pillows as we take you on a journey that will definitely keep the z’s at bay. Welcome to the land where valiant sleep warriors embrace laughter instead of counting sheep.

  • How do musical instruments sleep? They Bach it up!
  • What’s another name for a sleepwalking nun? A roamin’ catholic.
  • There was a kidnapping at the daycare center the other day. She woke up after an hour.
  • My mother always used to put her watch underneath her pillow before going to bed. She valued waking up on time.
  • I keep having trouble deciding if I should get rid of my old pillow or not. I think I need another few days to sleep on it.
  • Why does a thunderstorm never get to sleep? Too much lightning up the room!
  • I met a man who always went to bed on top of a chandelier. He considered himself to be a light sleeper.
  • Why are sleepy barbers the best? They know the real meaning behind cut-throat competition!
  • The young girl made sure to always tuck sugar cubes under her bed at night. This helped her have sweet dreams.
  • Two kids broke into the grocery store and stole over one hundred energy drinks. I don’t know how they sleep at night.
  • While it’s not a good idea to take laxatives and sleeping pills together, you can’t deny that they make you sleep just like a baby.
  • I decided to try going to bed listening to music last night, and boy did I sleep soundly!
  • I just learned why dragons always sleep during the day. It’s so they can have energy when they fight knights.
  • What do you call a bill taking a nap? A bull dozer.
  • Why did the nurse make sure to whisper when near the medicine? She didn’t want to wake up all of the sleeping pills.
  • I just got one of those trendy corduroy pillow cases. After sleeping with it for a few nights I see what they meant when they said it’s making headlines.
  • Scientists recently found out that secret agents tend to get the best sleep. The theory is that it’s because they’re always undercover.
  • Why did the king become a great sleeper? He ruled in his dreams!
  • Why did the blanket apologize? It didn’t mean to cover up the truth in your dreams!
  • What part of a car needs the most sleep? The tires.
  • Did you know that tall people sleep longer in bed?
  • My wife came into the room and asked me if she could use one of my sleeping pills. I told her to go ahead and knock herself out.
  • What does a sheep use to write in its sleep? Shear determination!
  • Did you know that there’s an animal that never sleeps without shoes on. A horse.
  • Why was the stupid man sleeping on the job? He was trying to add dream experience to his resumé!
  • Why don’t math books sleep? They have too many problems!
  • I knew a girl that had a rare medical condition that made her eat food while she slept. I believe it’s called insom-nom-nom-nia.
  • What’s another name for a wood cutter who is sleeping on the job? A slumberjack.
  • How do you help an elephant get to sleep? Give it a trunkquilizer.
  • I just read in the paper that a young boy was sent to prison for not going to sleep. Apparently he was resisting arrest.
  • Anyone who is able to climb the world’s highest mountain is extremely impressive to me. When do they ever rest?
  • I went to see some live music the other day and the lead guitarist passed out in the middle of a song. He had rocked himself to sleep.
  • Why don’t we ever disturb a sleeping bag? Because it might wake up cranky!
  • What do you call a group of musical notes who can’t keep a rhythm? Unsupervised bass nappers!
  • Why do baseball players make good sleepers? They understand the bases of a good sleep.
  • I was working so hard to fix the plug in the kitchen sink that I fell asleep. I was completely drained.
  • What do tired computers do? Have a byte and a good sleep!
  • Do you know what food makes me sleepy? Pizzzzza.
  • Why do sheep never get enough sleep? They’re afraid of being counted!
  • Last night my deaf boyfriend was talking a lot in his sleep. He kept poking me in the eye.
  • Why did the girl always bring a ruler with her when she went to bed? She wanted to see how long she slept.
  • How do we know that stars don’t sleep? They only twinkle!
  • Why did the man keep his bicycle next to his bed at night? He didn’t want to start walking in his sleep.
  • Did you know that it’s easy to avoid sleep for 30 days and still not get tired? You simply sleep at night!
  • There was an interesting scientific study recently that discovered how much sleep a teenager needs. Five more minutes.
  • I don’t think I could handle being a coffee taster. I just don’t know how they sleep at night.
  • Why doesn’t a sleeping bicycle stand up? It’s too tired!
  • How do you make a baby astronaut fall asleep? You just rocket.
  • Why do football fields feel sleepy? They never want to give up their goal!
  • Do you want to give your iPhone the ability to help you fall asleep? Don’t worry, there’s a nap for that.
  • I fell into a deep sleep on top of my phone yesterday. That’s what I get for downloading a nap.
  • Why do we tuck in our phones at night? They love a good app-time story.
  • When I was in college I got paid to do a sleep study at my local hospital. Let me tell you, it really was a dream job!
  • My doctor said I should stop eating cookies in bed because it was giving me crummy sleep.
  • I recently attached an alarm clock to my shoes. This way, my foot will never fall asleep.
  • I took a nap in the weight room, but I had a fitful sleep.
  • Last night I fell asleep with my contacts in. I had the clearest dreams.
  • I’ve gotten in the habit of falling asleep while working on my crossword puzzle. I always seem to wake up with a puzzled look on my face!
  • Why was the sleepy smartphone annoyed? It was fed up of the same old ring tone!
  • Why do sleepy pastry chefs make good cashiers? They know how to roll with the dough!
  • I knew a man who had to retire from being a shepherd. Whenever he started to count his flock he fell asleep.
  • What did the mother cow say to the baby cow at night? Go to sleep, it’s pasture bedtime.
  • What did the mother broom say to the baby broom at night? Time for you to go to sweep!
  • Let me tell you, sleeping comes quite naturally to me. I can do it with my eyes closed.
  • Which dinosaur is the loudest sleeper? The tyrannosnorus rex.
  • Have you ever woken up in the best mood and kissed the person sleeping beside you? I did that this morning and I got banned from the airline.
  • Before deciding if I wanted to accept a job at the mattress factory I asked them if I could sleep on it.
  • What drawing implement makes you tired? A crayawn.
  • Why did the woman run laps around her bed each night? It helped her catch up on sleep.
  • Why are breakfast foods the hardest to wake up? They crack under pressure!
  • Dreaming in colors is merely a pigment of your imagination.
  • Why can’t balloons go to sleep? They inflate their bed!
  • I had an amazing dream that I was in a Lord Of The Rings movie last night. I was definitely Tolkein in my sleep.
  • The pig kept putting everyone to sleep. He really was quite a boar.
  • Did you know there’s a medical name for when your feet fall asleep? Coma-toes.
  • What happens when an egg works all day? It becomes eggs-hausted!
  • What do you call a person who sleeps next to a close relative? A napkin.
  • Why did the fish blush? It saw the ocean’s bottom bunk!
  • What does a scuba diver always put on before bed? A snore-kel.
  • I heard about a boy who always had crazy dreams about eating a huge marshmallow. One morning he woke up and his pillow was gone.
  • Why are tired pillows grumpy? They are constantly under pressure!

And there you have it, folks – a staggering 81 dreamy puns and jokes that turned the world of sleep on its head! We hope they tickled your funny bone and added a bit of sparkle to your bedtime routine. Remember, while counting sheep might help to catch some shuteye, nothing truly replaces a good, hearty laugh. Now, let’s hang up our pillow fights and creep back under the blankets. Sweet dreams and happy chuckling, until the next time we plunge into a new world of whimsy and wordplay!