Ready to have a knife day full of giggles and chortles? Well, cut to the chase and prepare your funny bone, because you’re on point for a treat! Here’s a finely honed compilation of the most hilariously edgy knife puns designed to deliver cut-above humor that’s guaranteed to slice through any frown. Quality laughter is our bread and butter.
So, whether you’re a seasoned stand-up comic looking for fresh material or simply someone needing a sharp bite of humor to spice up your day, you’ve hit the cutting edge of comic relief. Be game, good folks, and take a stab at reading these 50 hilarious puns and jokes about knives that will have you in stitches, laughing till you’re out of blade-breath! We promise – it’s all crafted to go under your rib- cage in the sharpest possible way – metaphorically of course!
What do you call a dull box cutter? An approximate knife!
What kind of knife is capable of slicing through four loaves of bread at the same time? A four loaf cleaver!
How do knives greet each other upon first meeting? They say “Knife to meet you! ”
What do you call a person that stops a knife fight with a stirring utensil? A real whisk taker!
What kind of humor does a knife appreciate? A sharp wit!
Why did the knife apply to the drama school? Because it had a cutting edge performance!
I tapped the side of my knife on the edge of the counter today and it made a melodic noise unlike anything I have ever heard before. It was a real balisong!
What do you call a knife salesman wearing a suit and tie? A sharply dressed bladesman.
What type of knife is always ready for dinner? A steak out knife!
Why is it so much worse watching a kid learning to use a real knife than a plastic knife? Because a real knife puts us on edge.
I heard a conversation with a couple of utensils while I was waiting for my food at the magical cafe near my home today. It went something like this:The fork says to the spoon, “Which ladle was that you were with last night? ”“It wasn’t a ladle at all. It was a knife. I find it helps get my point across much more easily, ” replied the spoon.
How do you deal with a friend that betrays you and steals your pocket knife? You simply cut ties with them.
What is the most popular video game with the cutlery youth these days? Fork Knife!
My friend is a guard at the local prison and he was telling me about this inmate that he was sure was a knight in a past life. When I asked him what made him think so, he told me that the man would never take a knife to a downed man or stab anyone in the back. He was completely chivalrous.
Why should you never use a dull knife to cut your food? Because it’s a pointless effort.
Why is everyone scared of talking to knives? Because you always get the point straight.
What do you call a band with nothing but knives in it? Cutting Crew!
I took a cooking course at the local college this year and got some great tips out of it. I can see myself using these knives for a long time.
What does a knife say when it’s going on a diet? I have to cut down the carbs.
Why was the knife good at golf? Because it always takes a slice!
Who is a knife’s favourite actor? Pierce Brosnan!
What advice does a knife give? Cut out the nonsense!
What made the knife salesman so forthcoming about his digestive issues? He knew that there was no hiding his cutting of the cheese.
Why was the knife able to so easily cut through the cheddar cheese? Because it was so sharp!
Where do chefs train their knives? In the cutting gym!
What do you call a knife that’s always late? A butter knife. Because it never cuts in time!
Why did the knife break up with the spoon? Because it couldn’t handle it anymore!
Why should you never get behind a knife salesman on the highway? Because they are likely to cut you off.
What did the knife say to the watermelon? I’m a slice of your life.
My family gathered together for a turkey dinner this past holiday season, and when my cousin was asked to cut the turkey, he accidentally cut his hand. His brother jumped up and rushed over to his aid, grabbing his hand and twisting. The cousin with the cut screamed and yelled “Bro, what are you doing? ”His brother looked surprised and replied “I thought I was supposed to apply a turn-a-cut! ”
Where do knives go for a fun night out? The chopping block!
Which kind of knife is used by chefs to connect them to a Bluetooth network? A pairing knife!
I didn’t get the job at the knife factory after my second interview. Curious, I asked why. The human resources person said I just didn’t make the cut.
Why did the knife go to the bar? To have a couple of sharp shooters!
Why did the knife visit the dentist? It had a sharp pain!
Why don’t knives ever get lost? Because they always cut corners!
Why did the knife go to school? To become sharper!
Why did the knife get in trouble at school? It wouldn’t stop cutting class!
Why are chopsticks afraid of the knife? It’s always cutting in line!
Why did the knife enroll in music school? It wanted to be sharp and on key!
What is another way to describe a new knife set to your friends? It’s the latest in cutting edge technology!
Why did the knife and spoon never get along? They just couldn’t meet at a point.
Why couldn’t the knife go to the concert? It couldn’t get past security because it always seemed too edgy!
I tried to make a joke about knives to my friends the other day, but it fell flat. I don’t think I could cut it as a comedian.
What do you get when a skeleton is wielding a knife? A soulless killer!
How do you win a knife fight against a bunch of clowns? Go for the juggler first!
How is a knife and an argument with someone so different? Most knives actually have a point.
What’s a knife’s favorite dance move? The slice and dice!
Which type of blade do cows prefer to use in the kitchen? Moo-chettes!
What do you call a knife that wants to be a fork? A cutlery crisis!
We’ve diced through, skewered around, and chopped up the funniest knife puns just for you. Hopefully, our collection of 50 knife puns hasn’t left you in stitches from laughing instead of a rogue switchblade. Suppose you’ve been a sharp audience and didn’t find these jokes too cutting edge for your taste. Now, disarm, get to the point, and spread the slice of life with others. Remember, life’s too short to have dull moments, so keep it sharp, keep it witty and continue the cutting-edge humor!
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