78 Hysterical Doctor Puns That Will Leave You in Stitches

Just what the doctor ordered! Are you ready to raise your humor levels and lighten up the atmosphere? Prepare to get a hilarious health check-up from our list that will leave your laughter senses tingling and those chuckles flowing. We have examined, diagnosed, and prescribed a whopping 78 fun-tastic puns and jokes, all with a playful doctor theme that will surely tickle your funny bone.

No need to worry about side effects either, these puns are all guaranteed to be in good taste, and side-splittingly funny. They’re safe for all ages, so everyone from young kids to playful grandparents can join in on the fun. So come along, put on your laughter scrubs, leave your seriousness at the door, and let these doctor-themed jabs help you unwind and brighten your day – laughter really is the best medicine!

  • Why did a banana have to go see a doctor? She was not peeling well.
  • Patient: Doctor help. I swallowed a spoon. Doctor: Hold still and do not stir.
  • I cannot stop telling jokes about airports. I think I have a terminal disease.
  • Why did the bacterial cell go to the doctor? It had cell-ulitis.
  • Why did the Doctor carry a red pen? In case he needed to draw blood.
  • Why do Doctors carry thermometers? To have some degree of diagnosis.
  • Why did the Doctor write on the walls? He wanted to leave his mark on society.
  • How do you help a sick pig? Give is oinkment.
  • Why does it take longer to get test results at night? There is only a skeleton crew working.
  • Why did the Doctor go to art school? He wanted to draw blood.
  • Doctors become angry when they lose their patients.
  • The pillow went to the doctor because she was feeling a little stuffy.
  • I played hide and seek with my friend in the hospital. She found me hiding in the ICU.
  • Where does a boat sleep? At the doc.
  • I was diagnosed with acute appendicitis. It was better than having an ugly one.
  • Doctor: You are going to need surgery. Patient: Can I get a second opinion on that? Doctor: You are smelly too.
  • What did the bladder say to the kidney on Valentine’s day? Urine in my thoughts.
  • A good dermatologist will begin the career from scratch.
  • My blood test told me that I had blood type B but it turned out to be a type O.
  • We would like to introduce you to the new chiropractor. Say hi to Doctor L. Bow.
  • I told the doctor I was not going to have brain surgery. He was able to change my mind.
  • What happened when the boy swallowed food coloring? He dyed inside.
  • Why do Doctors recommend hiking? It’s good for the heart and sole.
  • What do the legs tell each other on Valentines’ day? I kneed you.
  • What do you call a Doctor who fixes websites? URLologist.
  • I did not want to go to the doctor for stitches. He told me to suture myself.
  • I went to the doctor because my eye color kept on changing. She told me it was a pigment of my imagination.
  • What type of fish completed medical school? A sturgeon.
  • I was told a joke about amnesia but I do not remember how it goes.
  • What school do medical students study at? The hippocampus.
  • Doctor: I have some bad news. The test results are in. You have 24 hours to live. I have some even worse news. Patient: What is worse than that? Doctor: I have been trying to call you since yesterday.
  • Why did the Doctor become a gardener? He wanted to plant stethoscope.
  • Why don’t Doctors trust the cardiogram reports? They know it’s all a heartbeat away.
  • Why did the Doctor take up fishing? He wanted to catch some patience.
  • The doctor told the apple we will get to the core of your sickness.
  • Why did the Doctor turn on his favorite music? He wanted to hip-check.
  • What did the Doctor recommend to the matchstick? Avoid burning out.
  • Why were the clothes wrinkles? They had an iron deficiency.
  • What happens when you own too many dogs? You are said to have a roverdose.
  • Why don’t Doctor’s trust atoms? They make up everything!
  • How come the snowman had to see a doctor? He was feeling chilly.
  • Why did the baby computer see the Doctor? It had a bad case of CAPS LOCK.
  • If you are sick you need to go see Doctor Phil Goode.
  • The hospital was told to make some spending cuts. They decided to cut the coroners.
  • We had some new midwives join the hospital. Please welcome Doctor Ova Ree and Doctor D. Livery.
  • What do you call an owl that is a doctor? Dr. Who
  • Eye doctors are able to live long because they dilate.
  • Who was the cool person standing in for the doctor? He was the hip replacement guy.
  • Why did the Doctor bring a ladder? He heard about the high blood pressure.
  • What did the dalmatian go see a doctor? He looked in the mirror and saw spots on his skin.
  • I need a good doctor. I do not want to work with a scrub.
  • A book went to the doctor because it had a broken spine.
  • Why did the Doctor visit the jungle? He had to treat a malaria patient.
  • Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away? It does if you have good aim.
  • How come the window went to visit the doctor? He was in pane.
  • Why would a cookie visit a doctor? The cookie was feeling crummy.
  • Why would a mattress go to the doctor? When they have spring fever.
  • Why did the doctor need to be quiet when getting the medicine? He did not want to wake the sleeping pills.
  • Why did the Doctor become a banker? He wanted a ‘check-up’ on his savings.
  • Why did the pair of shoes go to the doctor? They needed to be healed.
  • I made a rash decision and went to work as a dermatologist.
  • What can you do to help a sick bird? Give it tweetment
  • Did you hear about the carrot that became a Doctor? He specialized in root cause analysis.
  • The boy that lost his left side went to see the doctor. He is all right after his visit.
  • He knew he should study to become an osteopath. He was able to feel it in his bones.
  • Why do Doctors always carry bandages? They have a binding duty.
  • Why was the doctor laughing at the x-ray? It was humorous.
  • When does a clown go to the doctor? When he is feeling funny.
  • The cell phone went to the doctor to get some new contacts.
  • What do you give a sick lemon to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
  • Why did the bee need to visit a doctor? She kept getting hives.
  • What did the nervous system say to the doctor? I’ve got nerves of steel.
  • Medical students do not like to take tests on kidney stones. These tests are the hardest to pass.
  • What did the insomniac write in his diary? I will not rest until I see the Doctor.
  • How come a bucket went to see the doctor? She was looking pail.
  • What did the doctor say to the short-sighted ghost? You need to see the GH-Optometrist.
  • What did the particle say at the doctor’s clinic? I am feeling very positive.
  • What does a doctor do for a rocket? Gives the rocket a booster shot.

Well, there you have it folks, a prescription for giggles stuffed with doctor-themed humor. We’ve surgically dissected the fun, excised all the boring factors and grafted in pinch of charm into each of the 78 puns and jokes. They’re sure to tickle your funny bone, heal your hearts and lift your spirits. No appointments needed, no tedious waiting times – the doctor of laughter is always in. Don’t worry if you’ve been laughing too hard,there’s no medical bill at the end of these laughs!