50 Hilarious Bed Jokes That Will Make Your Day Cozier

Prepare to be tucked in for a flurry of mirth and sheets of laughter as you snooze your way through these sidesplitting slumbersome punchlines. This isn’t your typical snooze fest, oh no! Embrace your inner night owl or early bird, whether you’re sprightly at the break of dawn or you find solace under the moonlight, here’s a medley of merriment that promises to tickle everyone’s funny bone.

Sprawled across the spectrum of humor, each one of these 50 rib-ticklers is quilted together to offer you a comforter of chuckles. This cosy curation exists to put the ‘bed’ in ‘abed-time story’, aiming to make your day – or night – much cozier. So grab your pillows and bedfellows, wrap yourself up in your favorite blanket and dive headfirst into this comedic comforter of hibernation hilarity. The land of Nod has never been this knee-slappingly naughty!

  • Why did the mattress never share its thoughts? It kept everything bottled up inside.
  • How does a mattress get around? It rolls out of bed.
  • Why did the headboard get promoted? It always stood at the head of the bed.
  • The bed salesman decided to sell all of his stock for 100% off. He said nothing really mattress anymore.
  • Simba is known for his lateness in getting out of bed. That’s why he is the lie-in king.
  • Why did the bed file a police report? It was mugged by a comforter.
  • What do taller people do in bed? Sleep longer.
  • Whenever I have a stressful day, I drink a pint of water before going to bed. It always gives me a reason to get up in the morning.
  • Why was the bed feeling down? It was tired of being made up.
  • What’s an easy and quick way for a husband to turn a sofa into a bed? Forget the wedding anniversary.
  • He enrolled in a band called Teenager’s Bed. They never made it.
  • Why did the mother bed tell off her children? They wouldn’t stop bunking around.
  • Why did the bed want to join the circus? It always flipped over doing tricks.
  • An old Irish guy was staying at a bed and breakfast in Devon. To make a good first impression, the hotel manager serves the man a full English breakfast on the first morning of his stay. The meal included tomatoes, mushrooms, beans, black pudding, a fried slice, bacon, sausages, and two pieces of bread and butter. Later, before the man leaves, the manager tries to get feedback on the breakfast she has just served. He tells her in his thick Irish accent, “Aye. The meal was very lovely, dear. However, my breakfast usually has a wee bit more bread. ”The manager takes the criticism into account, and on the following day, she serves the same breakfast, but this time she includes four slices of bread and butter. After the man has finished his breakfast, she approaches him with a grin and asks him if the meal is to his liking. The old guy tells her, ”Aye. It was very nice, very nice. But my breakfast usually has a wee bit more bread. ”As the week goes by, the manager increases the slices of bread, and the man keeps giving his usual gentle criticism. Frustrated, she decides to go to the bakery and buys an unsliced loaf. The manager cuts the loaf into two halves and applies a thick butter spread over each half. Smiling, she goes to the man after he is done with his breakfast and asks, “Was the breakfast good today, sir? ”Nodding amiably, the man replies, “ Aye, it was really good. But I see we’re back to two slices of bread again. ”
  • Why don’t beds make good detectives? They always sleep on the job.
  • What do you call a high bed? Loft-y dreams.
  • Why did the bed never lose a race? It always likes to be ahead.
  • Friend: Hey, why are you always standing at night? Me: My bed is broken, and I’m not lying.
  • I used to work in a pillow factory, but it was too quiet. Everyone there was a soft sleeper.
  • My friend advised me to follow my dreams. I immediately went back to bed.
  • Why are beds so supportive? They always have your back.
  • My friend was ashamed when his girlfriend walked in on him playing with their son’s train set all by himself. Out of panic, he took a bed sheet and threw it over it. I guess he managed to cover his tracks.
  • What is the one bed that you cannot really sleep on? A river bed.
  • Why can’t the bed play poker? It always folds.
  • The first thing I do every morning after waking up is make my bed. I guess it’s time I returned this piece of junk to Ikea.
  • Why do beds make horrible secret keepers? They squeak under pressure.
  • I have been having trouble sleeping, so I sought a counselor for some advice. She told me, “Try sleeping on the edge of the bed, and within no time, you’ll drop off.
  • The husband decided to replace the bed with a trampoline without informing his wife. She hit the roof.
  • Why is nighttime so confident? It always sweeps darkness under the bed.
  • What were the two pillows doing in bed? Having a pillow talk.
  • What did the blanket do as it fell off the bed? It yelled, “Oh Sheet. ”
  • Why did the blanket turn red? It saw the mattress pad.
  • Guy 1: Have you watched that popular movie about a bed and zombies? Guy 2: Bed and zombies? No. What is it called? Guy 1: The Walking BedBedbugs nowadays are really annoying. They have no bedside manners.
  • I have this great pun about a bed, but it has not been made up yet.
  • What do you call it when a bed is jealous of the freshly made one? Sheet envy.
  • My dad told me a myth about two beds placed on each other with a ladder attaching them both. However, I went to the library to find some evidence, and I was actually able to debunk it.
  • I went to seek advice on buying a bed from a friend. He told me, “Before you decide, you should try to sleep on it”
  • How does a bed greet its lover? You make my heart mattress flutter.
  • What do you call a bed that plays tricks? A practical yoke.
  • What kind of stories do beds like? Bedtime stories.
  • She wrote an amazing story about her bed. She made it herself.
  • Hotel manager: What can I do for today, sir? Man: I need room to stay in for the night, two beds. Hotel manager: Uh, do you have a traveling companion, sir? Man: No. I just love enjoying the silence from the other bed
  • Son: Dad, will you come to watch my play tomorrow? Dad: What’s it called? Son: Breakfast in bed. Dad: Did they at least give you a big role? Son: No. Just toast with some chocolate butter.
  • Why don’t alarm clocks work for the sleep-deprived? Because they can resist the call of the bed.
  • Customer: I would like to purchase a bed, please. Retailer: Certainly, sir. Do you need a spring mattress? Customer: What? No. I want one that I can use the whole year.
  • I wanted to make my waterbed more bouncy. So I added spring water.
  • There’s this shop around our neighborhood with a bed sale; everything is 50% off. I went in to check it out only to find that every bed in the shop was three feet long.
  • Why was the bed always early? It was tired of being late.
  • Why did the bed go to the doctor? It was feeling board stiff.
  • A husband bought a waterbed to impress his wife. Since then, they’ve drifted apart.

After a long day, nothing beats plunging into the realm of humor with a bed-load of hilarious jokes. We hope this list of 50 sizzling bed-themed jokes has presented you with chuckles and grins for every corner of your pillow. Light-hearted jokes to make you giggle, groan, or perhaps hit the snooze button on any lingering blues. Just remember, laugh at life or sometimes at bed jokes, because it’s too short to sleep on a bad mood. After all, your daily dose of laughter is just a pillow-fight or a bed joke away, ready to snuggle you into a cocoon of good vibes. So tuck in tight, because as the blanket of night falls, we’ve got the softest cushion of funnies to send you off to dreamland with a chuckle.