54 Bet-Worthy Gambling Jokes You Wouldn’t Want to Fold On

Have you ever wondered why casinos never play hide and seek? Well, it’s because good luck finding them! Ready to chuckle, chortle, and possibly spit out your chip-filled mouthful? Prepare to get lost in a hilariously stacked deck where Lady Luck not only winks at you, but also cracks you up.

Welcome to a rib-tickling maze of the most fun-filled, money-spinning, table-turning gambling jokes and puns! You’ll find yourself at the end of your seat, laughing out loud to 54 hilarious gems that are guaranteed to make even Lady Luck herself crack a smile. Feeling lucky? Well, go ahead then…these jokes are a solid bet. Take a gamble on them—you won’t want to fold your laughter back!

  • Gambling is similar to eating pistachios. When you find a good pistachio, you want more. You want a good one even more if you get a bad one. In a nutshell, that is gambling for you.
  • A gambler confided in a friend at the bar, “I had a terrible day of betting today. I lost nine of nine college football games, five of five baseball games, and seven of seven hockey games. ”“Well, at least the soccer games are starting soon, ” a friend replied. “But I don’t know anything about soccer! ” said the gambler.
  • Why shouldn’t you play hide and seek with a poker player? They’ll always call your bluff!
  • This week’s puns and one-liners are about gambling jokes. I should mention that I’m not much of a gambler; my biggest bets seem to be on 2p machines at seaside resorts, so I’m far from an expert on the subject. As is customary, there is no guarantee of hilarity or originality.
  • Why did the poker player go to the beach? He wanted to cash in on ‘sand’wiches.
  • How is a poker player like a plumber? They both know how to flush.
  • How does one become a millionaire through gambling? Begin by becoming a billionaire.
  • The assistant raises his head, turns to face the gambler, and says: “I’m afraid I can’t accept that wager, sir. The steaks are overpriced. ”
  • Why does a gambler avoid drinking soda? He prefers no ‘pop’ bets.
  • What does a gambler refer to as heaven? Pair-a-dice.
  • I tripped over a sign from the local betting shop while walking down the road earlier. What are the chances of that happening?
  • How does a card dealer say goodnight? “Deck you later!”
  • How do you cure a poker addiction? Take away the chips!
  • When the collection plate is passed around in Las Vegas, worshippers can put in casino chips. Chips from all of the city’s churches are then collected and transported to a Franciscan monastery outside of town for sorting. They are then returned to the various casinos to be cashed in. The chip monks are in charge of this.
  • Now that you’ve finished our pun-tactic list of the top ten gambling jokes, why not see if you can have the last laugh? Join Twin Spires Casino today and try to walk away a winner.
  • A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Give me a drink, I just went out with my best friend; we had a fight. ”The bartender asks, “Why did you have a fight? ”The man replies, “We both wanted to marry her. ”
  • People say gambling destroys lives, but it brought our family closer together. We are now living in a one-bedroom apartment.
  • What happened when the cards went to court? The judge threw the book at them!
  • Why are vampires not interested in gambling? When the stakes are raised, they become nervous.
  • When a man walks into a bar, he notices a poker game being played at the far table. When he looks closer, he notices a dog sitting at the table. This piques his interest, and he walks closer, noticing cards and chips in front of the dog. The next hand is dealt, and the dog is dealt cards. The dog takes turns acting with each of the other players, calling, raising, discarding, and doing everything the other human players did. However, none of the other players appear to be bothered by the fact that they are playing with a dog; instead, they treat him as if he were any other player. Finally, the man can no longer keep his mouth shut, so he quietly says to one of his hands,
  • Why are casinos the coolest place to be in the summer? Because there’s a lot of fans!
  • Why don’t poker players have breakfast? Because they hate folding their eggs.
  • My friend insisted on skipping through the flower meadows. He appears to have a gambling problem, in my opinion.
  • I was walking down the street when I tripped over a sign from a nearby betting shop.
  • My friend’s gambling is out of control. He just bet his newborn son in our poker game. “I might have to raise him, ” I reasoned.
  • There’s no need to look for slot machine jokes or tell any casino joke one-liners. However, if you are fortunate, you could be laughing all the way to the bank.
  • What do you call someone greater at gambling than you? A better better. What are the chances of that happening?
  • Why was the mummy a terrible gambler? He was always wrapped up in his bets!
  • A man walks into a casino and wins $100 on the first game. He decides to quit while he’s ahead and leave the casino. Before walking away though, he buys an ice cream cone from one of the vendors there. The vendor hands him his change from $100.
  • I used to enjoy eating chips until I was barred from entering casinos.
  • “I can’t take that bet, the steaks are too expensive, ” the butcher says.
  • I took a chance and bought a small boat without first seeing it. It was a gamble.
  • “I bet you $100 you can’t get that meat down from the top shelf without a ladder, ” a gambler says to the butcher’s assistant behind the counter.
  • The other day, I bet on a giraffe race. Mine came in second place. By a hair’s breadth. It wasn’t even close.
  • Why don’t gamblers ever go to the zoo? Too many cheetahs!
  • A gambler walks into a butcher shop and tells the butcher, “I bet you $500 you can’t get the meat down from the top shelf without a ladder. ”
  • I sold all of my body parts to fund my gambling habit. Maybe I should give up while I’m ahead.
  • Why is a roulette wheel the worst kind of friend? Because it’s always spinning!
  • Every year, I wager with a local farmer on which lamb will jump the highest. I enjoy a good gambol.
  • Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
  • What did the gambler say about his relationship? “It’s a real ‘dicey’ situation.”
  • Why shouldn’t you invite a deck of cards over for dinner? They’ll always deal a bad hand.
  • The other night, I was asked to leave the casino. They claimed I was carrying a chip on my shoulder.
  • Why are professional football players called athletes? They rarely see their wives.
  • How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls!
  • Why was the computer cold at the casino?\nBecause it left its Windows open!
  • Why did the chip go to school? Because he wanted to be a Smartie!
  • Why didn’t the deck of cards go camping? It was afraid of getting lost in the shuffle!
  • Why did the cookie go to rehab? Because it lost all its dough at the poker table!
  • Why did the peanut go to the casino? He wanted to feel a little nutty!
  • What do you call a professional poker player who has ended his relationship with his girlfriend? Homeless.
  • Why did the elephant leave the poker game? He didn’t enjoy being dealt a ‘trunk’ card.
  • Why did the casino hire a cat? It always keeps a good ‘poker’ face.
  • I lost money betting on one of the big cats at the zoo. He looked like a cheetah to me.

Well, folks, that’s the roll of the dice on our 54 bet-worthy gambling puns and jokes. We hope you had a royal flush of laughter and didn’t go bust from chuckling too much. Remember, no actual money was lost in the making of these jokes! Just like in a casino, it’s all about the joy of the game and the thrill of a good punchline, not just the payout. So whether you’re a high roller or you just like to play the penny slots, keep these pun-tastic quips up your sleeve for the next game night or poker party. Happy joking, and may the odds – or at least the puns – be ever in your favor!