51 Grape Jokes and Puns That Will Leave You in Peels

Dive right into the cluster of giggles with our unique set of clever wordplays, one-liners, and punchlines all centered around that round, juicy, humble fruit, the grape. Welcome to a non-stop chuckle-fest where your common bunches turn into witticisms that gently tickle your funny bones, whether you’re a kid or just a kid at heart!

This bouquet of grape-inspired humor is plump with 51 juicy jestings that are sure to light up your day, make you chuckle, groan, or shake your bunch with laughter. So, sit back, relax, and get ready to uncork the fun as we squeeze every last drop of humor from these grape-ly amusing puns and jokes. You’re ‘vin-e’ for a grape time, without a ‘w-hine’ of a doubt. Buckle up your humor belt because fun is about to wine and ‘d-vine’ its way in!

  • What did the grape say to the waiter when they asked him if he would like a drink with his meal? Sure, wine not!
  • What did the grape do when it lost its job? It went through a sour period, but then it realized, it could wine to earn money.
  • Why did the grapes turn red? They saw the fruit salad dressing.
  • Why was the purple grape yelling at the green grape? Because the green grape was holding its breath.
  • What fruit do batteries like the best? Currants!
  • Why did the grape break up with the pomegranate? It needed space to wine.
  • Why did the grape not participate in the race? It couldn’t handle the crush.
  • Which fruit is the most adventurous? Grapes – They always go in bunches.
  • What did Merlin say to the Scottish grape after it rescued King Arthur and the knights of the round table during a surprise attack? Grape Scott!
  • What do you call good decisions made by a grape? Fruitful thoughts.
  • How do you comfort a disturbed grape? Tell it to let that feeling ferment.
  • What was the name of the historical figure that was purple and wanted to rule the whole world? Alexander the Grape!
  • I finally made the perfect grape jelly after years of trying and failing. I have officially achieved grapeness!
  • What caused the grape to come to a sudden stop in the middle of the highway? It ran out of juice!
  • What do you call it when a professor teaches their students all of the benefits to eating dried grapes? Raisin awareness!
  • What do you call a bunch of angry grapes? Sour!
  • Why didn’t the grape ask its crush out? It didn’t have the bottle.
  • Did you hear about the grape that fell into a mixer but survived unscathed? The grape didn’t even thank the mixer for sparing it. What an ungrapeful fruit!
  • Why did the grapes go on a diet? They felt a bit plump.
  • What did the judge tell the grape when he asked why he was disqualified from the limbo contest? He told the grape that he kept raisin the bar too much.
  • What did the purple grapes say to the green grapes next to them on the vine? It’s fun hanging around with all of you!
  • There is a new wine shop in town that only sells award winning vintages. It’s called Best Cellar.
  • What does a grape say when it is stepped on? Nothing, it just wines a bunch.
  • Why did the grape not take the job at the winery? The squeezers at work were pressureful.
  • Why did the grape get in trouble at school? It was caught raisin hell.
  • Who is a grape’s favorite author? John Steinbeck, for his book Grapes of Wrath.
  • What did the grape say after landing a good job? Vine and dandy.
  • What did the grape say when it got promoted? This position suits me to a wine.
  • A scientist and a farmer were at the store when they met. They were both reaching for the last bottle of grape juice on the shelf and both told the other to go ahead and take it. Grape minds really do think alike.
  • What did the counsellor grape say to the sad grape? Don’t bottle up your feelings.
  • What do you call a grape that has been hanging around the vineyard too long? A winexpert.
  • What do you call a wine hangover? The wrath of grapes.
  • My cousin was eating grapes today when he started choking on one. Before anyone could do anything, he stood completely still, focused real hard and forced out a breath which cleared the grape. I guess you could say he concord it!
  • What did the grape say when packed in a box for too long? Give me a breather, I need some fresh vine!
  • What do grapes do when something bad happens? They vine and vine some more.
  • Did you hear about the grape who had an accident? Now it’s a crushed currant.
  • What did the green grape say to the purple grape at the vineyard reunion? It sure is grape to see you again!
  • How do grape growers measure the length of their grape vines? They measure them in vineyards!
  • My girlfriend and I were discussing what to do after work yesterday and I told her I had an article to finish for a deadline, to which she responded “I’m sure you will be able to squash that in no time without wine-ing! ”
  • I went to a wine tasting at the local vineyard this past weekend but the fermentation must not have been done yet as the wines tasted off to me. When I mentioned this to my wife she said “They must have used sour grapes for that batch. ”
  • What did the scientist say when he was finally ready to test his new ultra laser on a fresh batch of grapes? It’s time to distinct-a-grape!
  • What did the grape do at the auction? It bidded a cluster.
  • Why are grapes immune to loneliness? Because they grow in bunches.
  • Why was the grape always first at the finish line? Because it was always a-juiced.
  • Why was the grape confused? It was still growing through a vine crisis.
  • What do you call a grape who meditates? A Zen-ful vine.
  • Why did the grape lose its memory? It went through a grapistential crisis.
  • I heard the new song by the Preserved Grapes on the radio today and really liked it. In fact, I think it is my new currant jam!
  • A grape fell from the vine and dried up today but it wasn’t upset. Everything happens for a raisin I guess.
  • I overheard a farmer talking to a customer at his fruit stand today and thought it was quite funny. The customer asked the farmer how he approached growing such magnificent grapes, to which the farmer replied “Firstly, I do not grow grapes, I raisin them instead. ”
  • What do you call a boxing grape? The grapevine champion.

Thanks for staying tuned to our vine and delving into our bunch of 51 grape jokes and puns. Hopefully, we left you in peels of laughter and not sour-faced. Whether it was the raISINable puns that tickled your fancy or the seedless humor that made you chuckle, we hope it was an unGRAPEtable journey. Until next time, just remember – you can’t enjoy a good wine without stomping grapes, and you definitely can’t enjoy good humor without a bit of a punny kick!