67 Hilarious Heart Puns That Will Give You a Healthy Laugh

Prepare to tickle your funny bone as we kick off a truly heartfelt comedy show just for you. Get set to enter a world of humor, where laughter is just a heartbeat away. Bursting with hilarity, this big-hearted list of merriment is brought to life with an incredible 67 side-splitters that are guaranteed to set your “hearts” fluttering with joy!

We’ve hit the comedy goldmine, unearthing gems that’ll make you gasp, laugh, chuckle, and maybe even snort a little – all ensuring a rollicking good time. We’ll say artery! and you’ll say the comedy here is even better-ry! So, fasten your seatbelts and get ready for a fun-filled, heart-pounding comedic journey that makes even the sternest of faces smile. Each joke aims straight for your funny bone – or should we say heart? Now, let’s get this healthy dose of laughter started!

Why do many patients refuse a needed heart transplant? They have a change of heart.
Why do people often get heartburn when eating birthday cake? They don’t take the candles out first.
Why did the heart always play on the tennis court? It loved to serve!
Why did the heart become a gardener? To turn over a new leaf!
‘Why did the heart become a librarian? It had a lot of circulation!
Why don’t hearts ever get lost? Because they have their beats!
Why are hearts terrible at making decisions? They are always missing beats!
What do you call it when a man gives their woman only half a valentine? A half-hearted attempt.
Why do so many Europeans drink stout beer? They are naturally stouthearted.
Why do many scrabble players lack great love affairs? They have hart but no e.
What do you call two birds in love? Tweet hearts.
How do you kill a French Vampire? Stab it in the heart with a baguette.
Why do many musicians wind up in heart surgery? They play their heart out.
Why are locksmiths successful with girls? Because they have the key to their hearts.
Why is the heart a reliable friend? It has your back, all the way to the veins!
Why is it so difficult to fall in love in a museum? Because you can’t touch the hearts.
Why did the cardiologist comedian only tell heart jokes? Because they aren’t corn-orary!
What did the pig say to his girlfriend? I won’t go bacon your heart.
Why do cardiologists refuse to date hematologists? They’ve learned that such relationships are usually in vein.
Why do some men give their valentines pink rather than red valentines? Maybe they feel lighthearted about the relationship.
Why was the grandpa banned from the zoo? He had the heart of a lion.
Why is the heart not interested in technology? It still beats in the old-fashioned way!
Why do skeletons usually don’t try to scare Trick or Treaters? They don’t have a heart.
Why did the Couple in love go to Las Vegas to gamble? Because two hearts can’t be beat?
Why do cardiologists make great bodybuilders? They get pumped up easily.
Why is a brief separation so difficult for couples in love? Because they can heartly wait to see each other again.
What did the policeman say to his girlfriend? You’re under cardiac arrest.
What do they call in medical school when a cardiology student drops out? Heart failure.
What did the Octopus say to his girlfriend? You octopi my heart.
How do they select cardiologists in medical school? They look for those who are following their heart?
Why do many skeletons avoid important medical care? Their heart isn’t in it.
A pound of bacon and a heart walk into a bar and order a drink but the bartender refuses. Sorry he said, we don’t serve food here.
Why is the heart a king of organ? Because it has all the arteries!
Speak to me in the language of love, said the girl. Her boyfriend replied lub-dub, lub-dub.
Two red blood cells fell in love. But it was all in vein.
Why are hearts such bad musicians? They always skip a beat!
Why did the cardiologist bring a camera? To capture a shot of the heart!
Why did the cardiologist become a Detective? To solve the mystery of the hidden heart!
What did the otter say to his girlfriend? I love you like no otter.
Why are hearts always tired? Because they never sleep!
Why are hearts romantic? They miss beats for you!
Why are two hearts better than one? Because two hearts can’t be beat.
Why do the lovelorn often play cards after a breakup? They are searching for the jack of hearts.
How do you determine the best heart for love? Look for those whose hearts are beat red.
What’s the best car for a heart surgeon to own? A beater.
Why did the heart get into baking? It kneaded something to love!
Why are hearts like friends? They’re in sync!
Hearts are like balloons, skip a beat and they will pop!
What’s the cheesiest pick-up line for bakers to use? Honey, you have a pizza my heart.
Why do gardeners get all the girls? They have the biggest beets.
Why is hearts not good in education? Because it always on recess!
Why did the heart flunk out of school? Because of low ‘B’P!
A teenager asked his guidance counselor for help deciding what he should study. The counselor told him to follow his heart. “Okay, ” said the teen, “but what does boom boom, boom boom” mean?
Why was the heart afraid it was drying up? It was all out of juice!
Why did the DJ have so many girlfriends? Because his music was off the charts.
Why did the bodybuilder kiss his girlfriend before posing? To get pumped up.
Why did the balloon seller have so few successful dates? Because he always kept things light-hearted.
Why did the cardiologist became a DJ? Hearts play the best beats!
How men view marriage. It starts with two hearts and after 20 years you wish you had a club and spade.
How did the girl know her boyfriend was in love? He had a huge heart-on.
Why did the heart go to Broadway? It had a flair for the dramatic!
Why is England considered backward? There are no heart banks but they have a Liverpool.
What did the smitten coed say to the Starbucks barista? I love you a latte.
Why does a heart need a map? To find its heart-way!
Did you hear about the latest song by a video editor? It’s called total clips of the heart.
What a heart says to its lover? You’re so vein!
What did the cardiologist say when his sexy patient proposed to him? Another one that makes me want my heart to beat.

Well folks, that wraps up our hilarious list of 67 heart puns that’ve pulsed with punny goodness. We hope they’ve tickled your funny bone and clogged your arteries with laughter. Just remember, these jokes are just like a good cardio workout, they get your heart racing! So, next time you feel your pulse pounding with the need for a hearty laugh, come back to this list. After all, laughter is the best medicine…just ask your cardiologist!

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