67 Hilarious Time Puns That Will Have You in Stitches Around the Clock

Time flies when you’re having fun, they say, and our ingenious compilation of time-based puns and jokes is here to prove just that. Brace yourselves as we embark on a journey through the tick-tocking corridors of hilarity. With 67 hand-picked gags, we promise that these unconventional jests will have you chuckling and gasping for air as the minutes and seconds pass.

Whether you’re an accurate atomic clock of comedy or a sundial who’s just discovering the light-hearted world of puns, these eccentric time jokes will take you on a belly-laughing roller-coaster ride around the clock. Get ready to savour each comic moment as we flip the pages of time with a bunch of giggles thrown in! So buckle up, and let the ticking time warp of wit transport you to a laughter-filled dimension!

  • What do you call a watch that doesn’t keep time? Un-watchable!
  • What time should you go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty.
  • Why did the girl fling her clock off the roof? She wanted to see time fly!
  • It’s important to always remove your watch before telling any secrets. Time will tell.
  • The watch was skeptical of the story the clock was telling. After all, it was second hand information.
  • I just got a new watch for my birthday, but it’s already broken. I’ve been meaning to take it into the shop, but it’s never the right time.
  • Why are movie theater clocks so loud? Because they always have time to kill.
  • How can you tell if a clock is wise? By how it spends its time.
  • What would a clock be if it didn’t have any numbers? Timeless!
  • What type of candy never arrives on time? Choco-late.
  • I ordered a book on chronology a couple weeks ago and it finally got delivered today. It’s about time.
  • Why did the time traveler break up with his girlfriend? He caught her spending time with his past self.
  • What did the hourglass say to the sundial? Your time is up!
  • Listen up, if all I cared about was having the time of my life, I would get a job at the clock factory.
  • What did the second hand say to the hour hand as it passed by? See you in a minute.
  • What time do astronauts eat? Launch time!
  • What kind of dog can tell time? A watchdog!
  • Did you hear that they fired Jim from the watch shop even after all the extra time he put in?
  • Why did the mother clock scold the baby clock? Your second hand touching the food is totally bad timing!
  • It looks like the movie studio is going to make a film called “clocks”. Personally, I think it’s about time.
  • What happens when you pester a watch? It becomes ticked off.
  • The other day I asked my manager if I could finish my shift early. She said as long as I made up the time it was fine with her. I said, “ok, it’s 15 past 30. ”
  • 11:59:59am has always been my favorite time of day. To be honest, it’s second to noon.
  • What’s the best way to tell that your clock is hungry? It goes back four seconds.
  • Why do time travelers always carry snacks? In case they get hungry a couple hours ago.
  • How does a witch know what time it is? She takes a look at her witch watch!
  • Why was the clock noticed at the disco? Because it always had the right moves, hands down!
  • Why was the belt clock a fashion flop? Because it was a waist of time.
  • What’s another name for a clock that’s on the moon? A lunar tick.
  • It only took me five minutes to fix the clock this morning… Well, at least I think it was only five minutes!
  • I tried eating a clock last week, but I don’t think I’m going to do it again. It’s really quite time consuming.
  • I’m annoyed. I picked up a brand new 24 hour clock and it’s already broken. It only lasted one day.
  • The girl was voted “Most likely to travel back in time” by her class of 2056.
  • What do you call a clock that can sing? A timekeeper with a great timing!
  • I went out and purchased seven watches this weekend. I know, I have plenty of time on my hands.
  • I’ve been trying to start growing herbs in my yard, but I can never find the thyme to get started.
  • Today I played hide and seek with my best friends. The game lasted all day. I guess good friends really are hard to find!
  • Why do so many people smash their clocks? To kill time.
  • You can always tell when a time traveler is hungry because they go back four seconds.
  • What bugs are always found in old clocks? Ticks.
  • Why wasn’t the clock working properly? It needed a hand.
  • I was wondering why my clock wasn’t working anymore, but I found out all it needed was a hand to get up and running again.
  • When do the best tennis players go to bed? Tennish!
  • I needed some time for reflection, so I held my watch up to the mirror.
  • Why didn’t the clock get the job? It had a bad record of hands on training.
  • Tomorrow I heard the funniest joke about time travel.
  • We just got a watchdog for the house! We’re naming him Rolex.
  • I’ve been meaning to help my wife look for her missing watch, but I can never find the time.
  • Why did the boy decide to sit on top of his clock? He wanted to make sure he was on time.
  • Why did the clock go to the principal’s office? It tocked back.
  • What did the digital watch say to the grandfather clock? Look, no hands!
  • Why do you never want to invite clocks to your party? They just stand around and tick everybody off.
  • The robber barged into the watch store and yelled “hands up! ”
  • What’s a good time to step out for a bathroom break? Poo-thirty!
  • Did you hear about the seafood diet? You see food, and you eat it, but the weight just keeps coming back for seconds.
  • Why did the woman keep a clock under her desk. She was committed to working overtime.
  • Why don’t clocks work on the beach? Too much sand in their gears!
  • Why did the clock go to the therapy? It has too many ticks.
  • Why did the man decide to shoot his alarm clock? He just felt like killing some time.
  • What goes tick-tock-woof-woof? A watch dog.
  • Why did the woman swallow a watch? She wanted more time in her belly.
  • When I was younger I experimented with making a belt out of watches, but it ended up being a waist of time.
  • Why couldn’t the clock compete in the race? Because it second guessed itself.
  • The bartender said “we don’t serve time travelers in this establishment”. A time traveller walks into a bar.
  • What’s another name for a belt that’s wearing a watch? A waist of time!
  • What do you get if you cross a time machine and a bench? A timeout.
  • 6:30 is my favorite time of the day, hands down.

And just like that, folks, we’ve clocked out on our fun-filled time pun journey. From tick-tocking hilarity to dial-turning jests – we’ve wound up, unwound and circled around the seconds for a laughter marathon. Make no mistake, whether you’re an old-timer or a spring chicken, these 67 timeless puns will have you laughing around the clock. But hey, don’t rush – unlike time, these puns won’t fly… so every now and then, just pause, rewind and indulge in another round of giggles to keep your humor set on ‘High’ – because who knows? Ticking others off with these time puns might just clock you up as the funniest person in your time zone!