238 Baseball Puns That'll Knock it out of the Laughter Park

The umpire is out and the stage is set. Assembled here are 238 of the absolutely, unapologetically funniest baseball puns and jokes you could ever hope to stumble across. Welcome to a comedy game of curveballs and chuckles, where the humor swings for the fences and the wit packs a punch harder than a batter with a bee in his bonnet!

Get ready to slide home into a pile of laughter! Whether you’re a seasoned baseball enthusiast or just here for the giggles, these puns are sure to hit a home run right into your funny bone. So grab your cap, oil your glove, and prepare yourself for the humor league of a lifetime. Have a ball!

Always question a baseball in the library… it could be a plant.
Does the baseball stadium have outlets? It lights up my world!
I don’t get that pun no matter how hard I twi. ‘Night.
I don’t field like football today, and besides, baseball is a batter game!
A baseball player’s mother knows what he likes to eat on the home plate.
Sorry, J-Walk. I guess I dropped the ball.
I’m an umpire. Now, give me your number so I can make the call.
The baseball player made a clean move with the girl but then he struck out.
Why is dating a baseball player a good idea? They are great at breaking the ice.
Why was Cinderella so bad at baseball? She had a pumpkin for a coach!
Glad to see you’re finally running short. STOP!
“Why do we sing ‘Take Me Out to the Ballgame’ when we’re already there? ”
Your pitch must have hit me because I’m feeling a little faint.
If you sing while playing baseball, you won’t get a good pitch.
What’s the difference between a rain barrel and a bad fielder? One catches drops and the other drops catches.
When all my electrical engineering friends at the baseball game did the wave, it was almost like having a phased-hooray.
Two more follows and we can start the giveaway! Come on people, I draw pretty okay too
A book never written: “The Quickest Baseball Game” by Earl E. Wynn.
I think this thread represents the big inning of a new ERA in punnery.
The game’s getting boring, wanna go back to my place and make it a blowout?
A baseball player swallowed his gum because he choked up.
Baseball players sometimes have sign-us trouble.
What’s long and hard and intimidates everyone? My BAT. Isn’t it adorable?
Baseball on a foggy day is all about hit and mist.
Where did the baseball player wash his socks? … In the bleachers.
Why is Fenway Park the coolest place to be? … Because it’s full of fans.
Which takes longer to run: from first to second base or from second to third base? … From second to third base, because there is a shortstop in the middle
Obviously, Paul is away — not home. He’s a busy guy, with a lot on his plate.
The baseball pitcher’s retirement was at the end of a wonderful ERA.
BTW, if you put the squeeze on her, don’t pinch her. And definitely don’t hitter! And for god’s sake, don’t batter her around!
Plus, his speeches haven’t changed. He’s on the campaign trail today, and made a short stop to deliver a speech. Same pitch as usual.
When baseball umpires aren’t happy with their pay they call more strikes.
Ok, strike that.
You’re like baseball: I’d love to play you in front of a crowd.
You don’t get it? Or are you just Yankee my chain, you knuckle head? In any case, it’s been a ball and it kept me in stitches — even if you didn’t contribute your usual a mound. Maybe I’ll catch a single episode of The Simpsons before I go to sleep. I really like Homer.
She was a baseball player’s wife and had a ballpark figure.
In baseball, time flies when you are having fun… and so do bats!
It’s no wonder that some baseball players have lots of money – often even many of the bases are loaded.
If you date me, you’ll eventually see a diamond.
Are you Eric Sogard because there’s no way I’d ever forget your
Why did the baker make it to the big leagues? He knew the roll of the dough.
A baseball player can sell himself to a new team if he has a good pitch.
When asked how the season was going, the baseball coach replied saying that it was in full swing.
“Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? ”… “Forget it. It’s way over your head. ”
When a baseball fell in the sewer it was called a foul ball.
Would you just take one for the team, and go out with me?
How do baseball players stay cool? By sitting next to the fans.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball? “Catch ya later! ”
Why are baseball players poor? Because they always work around the bases.
The baseball player made a clean move with the girl but then he struck out.
You’re quite the catch, baby.
Is that a batting glove in your pocket, or do you have kind of a lumpy butt? Cuz if you do, that’s cool. I’m not picky.
I’m just trying to advance the art, using two methods: Walk ‘n’ Balk.
How do baseball players keep in touch? They touch base every once in a while.
Wanna hear a joke? The Blue Jays. Wanna hear something serious? My love for you.
You’re like a student and I am like a math book, you solve all my problems! Just like Billy Beane when it comes to acquiring key baseball players who always get on base.
At least it wasn’t a costly error. He still has his base, and he’s still running. In other words, he’s safe.
Us baseball players know our way around the bases.
They call me “The Lead” because the A’s bullpen wants to blow me
I’m falling in glove with you!
A baseball pitcher asked if he had a good curveball, but wanted a straight answer.
My love for you is like the A’s and Daric Barton: it never dies.
I’m not at the top of my game tonight. Too distracted watching Mitt.
Still no response from Paul. I guess this is my own little pun umpire, and I’m the king.
When asked how the season was going, the baseball coach replied saying that it was in full swing.
He could play baseball, football, basketball, soccer and tennis. He was a jock of all trades.
You make my heart as spongey as the A’s infield
Why is it so windy at Candlestick Park? … Because of all the Giant Fans!
A baseball pitcher asked if he had a good curve
He could play baseball, football, basketball, soccer and tennis. He was a jock of all trades.
Hello. I am a professional baseball player.
Why was the math book so good at baseball? It’s got all the right angles.
Why are frogs good outfielders? … They never miss a fly.
Have you ever wondered why baseball players get girlfriends? They’re great at hitting it off.
Baseball players who get three strikes
Are you Anthony Recker because I just wanna let you pull my dinger
You’re like baseball: I’d love to play you in front of a crowd.
Can you tame my diamondback? Everybody else has
Hello, I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart. Just like Dee Gordon when he steals bases! ”
Are you in the outfield? Because you’re an angel.
How is a baseball team similar to a pancake? They both need a good batter.
They say I’m like John Jaso because I’m all clear to be behind your plate all summer long
Why did the police officer go to the baseball game? Someone stole second base!
Are you in the on-deck circle, or is that halo?
In baseball, if you can’t steal a base, then you won’t make degrade.
Why was the computer cold at the baseball game? It left its Windows open!
Can I show you my spitball?
Ok, strike that
Which animal is best at hitting a baseball? The bat.
You’re like baseball: You make me all nervous and then nothing happens.
Are we in the bullpen? Cuz you’re warming me up.
If your daughter is tying up the computer, you should ground ‘er.
A new batter joined the baseball team, and he was a real hit.
On second thought, I canceled the walk. The weather’s too foul.
In each town on his trip, the baseball player made a short stop.
I got a private conference in my hotel room at the winter meetings, come on up if you wanna look at my trade package
I had a good streak going there.
Paul is very unresponsive, but I’ll let it slide. Maybe he’s having car trouble. I told him to check his clutch. He’s not single, so maybe he can put the squeeze on his wife, so she can help him out of this jam.
Like a platoon player, I’m dying to get some action
Ha! No reply. You were caught looking at that comment.
Baseball on a foggy day is all about hit and mist.
Why did the baseball player become a gardener? He was excellent at laying out the foul lines.
Why did the baseball player bring a cake to the party? He always hits it out of the park.
I don’t field like football today, and besides, baseball is a batter game!
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
What a screwball…
Even though there’s no ball game on tonight, ill still be slamming something out of the park
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Why do ghosts love baseball? Because they love home moans.
We must be in the bullpen because you’re warming me up.
Why was the baseball player good at siege defense? He knew how to man the battlements.
Why did the police officer go to the baseball game? … Someone stole second base!
Where does a baseball player go when he needs a new uniform? New Jersey.
Are you accepting applications for your fan club? I’d love to join since I’m already a member of the Mr. Met fan club!
Did you hear the joke about the baseball? … It will leave you in stitches!
You’re like baseball: A thinkin’ man’s game.
So am I gonna be your closer tonight, or are you putting me in middle relief?
When a baseball player isn’t going steady he’s playing the field.
The baseball player said sorry to the ball because he hit it.
There are so many statistics in baseball that the players are now running around data bases.
That’s all for me. I need some relief if this thread is to be saved.
Why is it always so windy at Candlestick Park? Because of all the Giant Fans!
Doug was going to contribute, but he couldn’t think of anything. Maybe you should help Doug out.
The baseball pitcher’s personality needed some polish. He was a diamond in the rough.
Why did the baseball player go to the car dealer? He wanted a sales pitch.
Why is a baseball umpire like an angry chicken? : They both have fowl mouths.
You can call me the A’s because I’m destroying that Kitty right now
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Forget it, it’s way over your head
Baseball is known for its pitched battles.
In baseball, if you can’t steal a base, then you won’t make degrade.
What do baseball players use to bake a cake? … Oven MITTS, BUNT pans and BATTER.
Were you eating dinner at Arby? I like that place.
That’s a bit of a stretch.
You know, I’ve never needed a third base coach to wave me home.
If you sing while playing baseball, you won’t get a good pitch.
If you sing while playing baseball you may not get a good pitch
If you were a baseball and I was a bat would you let me hit that?
A baseball player joined the army and did the round of military bases.
They say to bat me 2nd because I’m a good 2-hole hitter
When all my electrical engineering friends at the baseball game did the wave, it was almost like having a phased-hooray.
My dugout, or yours?
The best way to make a baseball bat is to carve it by hand. Using a machine is just lathe-y.
Why do baseball games make excellent mysteries? They always leave you in suspense.
Or maybe his union went on strike and he’s on the picket line. Drive home, if you can before I make another blooper.
Can I pinch hit on you?
I just want something quick to fill a gap, let’s hook up on a one-year deal and then look at our option years later
I hope you’re good at catching cause I’m starting to fall for you.
What’s the difference between a Yankee Stadium hotdog, and a Fenway Park hotdog? … You can buy a Fenway Frank hotdog in October!
I feel like I’m talking to myself. I guess you’re busy. I’ll take a walk and come back later.
Why are baseball games at night? … Because bats sleep during the day!
Is that a batting glove in your pocket, or do you have kind of a lumpy butt? Cuz if you do, that’s cool. I’m not picky.
I like baseball so much more than football. It’s just a batter game!
Which baseball player holds water? …The pitcher.
How do baseball players manage their energy? They refill their pitchers.
The best way to make a baseball bat is to carve it by hand. Using a machine is just lathe-y.
They call me the Arizona D’Backs because I always play ball games late into the night
What has 18 legs and catches flies? A baseball team!
Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes? Sorry, but you can’t use one on the Seattle Mariners winning a World Series championship just because they signed Robinson Cano for a decade-long contract.
Where shouldn’t a baseball player ever wear red? In the bull pen.
Our high school math teacher moonlights by selling concessions at local baseball games. He is a true ballpark figure.
“Did you hear the joke about the fast pitch? ”… ”Forget it. You just missed it. ”
Why are singers good at baseball? … Because they have perfect pitch!
Have you ever wondered why baseball players get girlfriends? They’re great at hitting it off.
In each town on his trip, the baseball player made a short stop.
It’s no wonder that some baseball players have lots of money – often even many of the bases are loaded.
What do you get when you cross a baseball player with a monster? … a doubleheader!
Why don’t baseball players make good detectives? They keep missing the catch.
The baseball pitcher’s personality needed some polish. He was a diamond in the rough.
What do baseball players do when they’re tired? They hit the sack.
What would you get if you crossed a pitcher and the Invisible Man? … Pitching like no one has ever seen.
Baseball players only wear one glove so they can leave the other hand free to hold girls like you.
Your pitch must have hit me because I’m feeling a little faint!
That one has been used already. You need to find a substitute.
That’s also been used. One more, and you’re out.
Why are spiders good baseball players? … Because they know how to catch flies!
Whatcha got?
Damn G+. I got another pop-up ad.
Ok, Pop. Fly me out of here.
A book never written: “How to Be a Better Baseball Player” by Ben Schwarmer.
They call me Derek Jeter because I got loose hips and I’m good at stroking balls away
Of all the butts in all the locker rooms, well, yours is way better.
She played baseball and so did he. They hit it off.
Play in my extra innings, I guarantee I’m a long reliever
Which animal is best at baseball? The bat!
Never hit the ump… The Umpire Strikes Back
What is a baseball player’s favorite thing about going to the park? … The swings!
After this early morning spring training workout, you wanna come be my afternoon delight?
In a baseball season, a pitcher is worth a thousand blurs.
What cartoon character is the best at baseball? … Homer Simpson.
If you were a reliever, I’d sign you up to a three-year contract with a vesting option
I’d lay down a sacrifice for you.
Why was Cinderella so bad at baseball? …She had a pumpkin for a coach.
They replaced the baseball with an orange to add zest to the game.
A baseball player can sell himself to a new team if he has a good pitch.
A dog who played baseball always got walked.
What do you get when you cross a tree with a baseball player? … Babe Root.
If this were an actual contest, I could really clean up.
I’m an umpire. Now, give me your number so I can make the call.
Do you know what cupcakes & a baseball team have in common? … They both count on the batter!
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing in the ballpark.
My friend missed the baseball game because he was on the pitcher’s mound… it’s hard to catch the game with that kind of reception.
They replaced the baseball with an orange to add zest to the game.
As a baseball player, I know my way around the bases.
Did you see what I wrote at the bottom of the 9th comment?
You’re like baseball: You make me all nervous and then nothing happens.
I’d lay down a sacrifice for you.
I think there are about 1-2 million baseball fields in the world, but that’s just a ballpark number.
For a baseball player, the key to success is staying in the hit state of mind.
I know I’m out of options, but I’ll fight my way in and prove to you that I can make your team into a contender
I hope you’re a good catcher because I’m starting to fall for you.
The reason baseball games are at night is that bats sleep during the day!
Why do girls like baseball? … It’s the only sport played on a diamond!
Which baseball player holds water? The pitcher!
Why is cake similar to a baseball team? They both rely on the batter.
Uhhhh, my lead off’s not great, and though I may be off base, I’d like to take you on a date.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball? …”Catch ya later! ”
Baseball players have to stay in line or they will be afoul of the rules.
I think I glove you!
Why are some umpires fat? …They always clean their plate!
What’s long and hard and intimidates everyone? My BAT. Isn’t it adorable?
The only thing tender today is my heart for you
What are the rules in zebra baseball? … Three stripes and you’re out.
What happens to a baseball pitcher when he loses a big game? He goes into the throes of depression.
What’s the “win probability” of me taking you home tonight, baby?
The outfielder was a gardener too. He loved to catch flies.
Have you ever seen a line drive? … No, but I have seen a baseball park!
Did you just hit me with a pitch? Cuz I’m feeling faint.
How is a baseball like a pancake? … They both need a good batter.
A baseball player was a thief. He was always trying to steal.
Which superhero is the best at baseball? … Batman.
You’re like baseball: A thinkin’ man’s game.
Unlike Dee Gordon, I give you full permission to tag my butt
Baseball players are expected to perform well right off the bat.
Why don’t baseball players join unions? Because they don’t like to be called out on strikes!
Roz also said she’d contribute. Is Roz in?
You still did OK. Overall, I think it’s a toss-up.
Why don’t baseball players join unions? … Because they don’t like to be called out on strikes.
Why did the baseball player go to jail? He stole every base!

And that rounds up our grand list of 238 baseball-themed giggles, puns, and jests. We swung for the fences with these, aiming to tickle your funny bone and score a home run of hilarity. Remember, life throws us curveballs, but if we can laugh about it, we are definitely hitting it out of the park. Now, it’s time to return back to the bleachers, rest our chuckling muscles, and get ready for the next round of rib-tickling sliders – you know they’ll be a ball!

238 Baseball Puns That’ll Knock it out of the Laughter Park

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