70 Hilarious Spider Puns That Will Make You Web Your Pants

Cobwebs off folks, because we’re about to have some fang-tastic fun with eight-legged puns that will leave you in splits. Welcome to a world where hilarity spins out of control faster than a spider on a caffeine spree. This isn’t just about tickling your funny bone, it’s about ensnaring you in a web of laughter that you’ll find hard to escape – whether you’re a bug enthusiast, a comic geek, or just someone who appreciates a good old dad joke!

Get ready to be bug-eyed with laughter as we unravel a magnificent list, filled to the brim with 70 Spider-themed puns and jokes, guaranteed to have you rolling on the floor laughing, or at the very least, giggling uncontrollably to yourself. And who knows, you might even snag a few to drop at your next Halloween party or any gathering really, because let’s be honest, who doesn’t enjoy a good pun?

How are spiders able to talk to one another? They get on the World Wide Web.
Why are spiders always calm? Because they meditate on the Zen Web.
Why don’t spiders go to school? Because they learn everything on the web.
If you want to find out the sex of a spider, drop it from a building. If she falls, then your spider is a girl. If he falls, then your spider is a boy. Simple, right?
What do spiders do to relax? They surf the web.
How do spiders communicate secretly? They use the dark web.
Why do spiders hate watching TV? Because there’s too much web-drama.
If you see a spider dancing, what do you call it? A jitterbug.
If you are looking for some funny spider puns, all you have to do is look on the web.
A few of my neighbors have opened their front doors recently and been slapped in the face by a large, aggressive spider. There is definitely a nasty bug going around!
What airline do spiders prefer? Fly-by-web.
What do spiders say when they accidentally break their webs? Darn it!
Why don’t spiders play video games? Because they believe the real web is much more entertaining.
What do spiders do when they get mad? They climb the walls.
Why would a spider want to buy a car? So he can take it for a quick spin.
Why did the baby spider become a tax collector? He was great at account-web-ability.
If you want to know what spiders eat, it’s easy enough to find out. Just look on the web.
Why do spiders love to sail? Because they are fascinated by the World Wide Wet.
What is Iraqnophobia? The fear of middle-eastern spiders.
Why is a spider an excellent swimmer? Because he has webbed feet to help him!
A spider tried to explain to his wife why he was so late, but she insisted he was only spinning her a yarn.
Why are spiders such great detectives? They’re experts at solving web mysteries.
Why did the spider become a baker? He’s got a talent for web pastries.
My wife is so scared of spiders that she will leave our house if she sees one. There is one in our kitchen corner, and I’ve been living alone for the past three days now.
My new spider silk pants are fabulous, but I keep getting flies stuck to them.
Why do spiders make great baseball players? Because they know the ins and outs of the web.
Pet spiders are very expensive at our local pet shops, so I got one from the web instead.
What’s a spider’s favorite clothing brand? Webington’s.
How did one spider find his mate online? He spider on a website.
Why does a spider spin a web? Because they don’t know how to knit or crochet!
Why don’t spiders ever get lost? Because they always follow the silk road.
What is it called when two spiders tie the knot? Newly webs.
What’s a spider’s favorite kind of punishment? The Webwhacker!
What do you call a spider that has eight long legs and is Irish? Paddy Long Legs.
My son has this really strange fear of spiders that wear raincoats. It’s called Anorakaphobia.
A spider was dining in beautiful Paris with his girlfriend. They enjoyed French fries together.
I considered buying an exotic spider from the nearby pet store. But my friend told me to just get what I wanted on the web.
What does a spider do when he has a bit of spare time to kill? He goes fly fishing!
I sprayed a spider today with hairspray, hoping to kill it. I don’t think it worked, but now his hair looks beautiful!
Where do stylish spiders shop? At the web-boutique.
Why was the spider always the star of the show? He always knew how to command the web attention.
Why don’t spiders ever forget things? Because they keep everything stored in their web memory.
What do you call a spider that just got off the treadmill? A ran-tula.
Why should you never leave the house when it is raining spiders? Because you could get caught in a bad tarantula downpour!
What diet do spiders prefer? The web-loss diet.
I asked my pharmacist if he knew what was good for a spider bite. He told me to find an irate spider.
I was a bit shook when a little spider crawled on top of my keyboard, but I got it under ctrl quickly.
What type of toy is like a spider? A top. They both spin all the time.
What would you call a tarantula that works at the police force undercover? A spy-der.
How does a spider make more money? He creates his own website.
Why can’t a spider get a job as a pilot? Because they can only tailspin.
Where does a spider go when they are having a health problem? WebMD.
What happens if you cross an elephant with a tarantula? I don’t know, but if it is walking across your ceiling, you better get out before the house caves in!
What do spiders do with the excess flies they catch? They make a side living selling them on the web.
Is there a time that you can watch a spider but not be able to kill it? Yes, when it is on a webcast.
When there are lots of spiders in your home, you will have a no-fly zone in no time at all.
I accidentally stepped on a spider this afternoon. It was so sad-he looked really crushed.
Who knocks eight times in a row every time they want to come in? A spider.
What is a spider with 20 eyes called? A spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiider.
Why was the spider a good comedian? Because he knew how to weave a funny web.
What is a spider’s favorite TV show? Web of Lies.
Why was the spider always at the top of the class? Because he was a web scholar.
Why did the spider get a job in marketing? Because he knows how to spin a web of intrigue.
What kind of job can a spider get in the technical field? A web designer.
I saw a spider in my daughter’s shoes this morning. But they didn’t fit him at all!
My son laughed at me when I asked him for a phone book, telling me I was so old and to just use his cell phone. He wasn’t laughing when I used his phone to kill a spider on the floor!
I smashed a spider that was crawling on the floor with my shoe. I really don’t care how tough a spider is, I’m not letting it steal my shoe from me!
I tried to use hairspray to kill a spider, but it just made him stiff.
What happens when spiders get involved in a love triangle? They end up spinning a tangled web.
My wife doesn’t like when I kill spiders-she would rather I take them out instead. So the two of us had some drinks and dinner together. He’s a great guy- mentioned that he wants to become a web designer.

Well there you have it folks, we’ve spun a real web of wisecracks here – all 70 of them! From the tips of your tarantula toes to the ends of your arachnid abdomen, these hilariously fang-tastic spider puns have probably left you tangled in laughter. Just remember, no matter how much they made you giggle, try to keep your pants spider-free. Until next time, keep spinning the humor bug and let these funny arachnid antics weave you into a good mood with every reading. Now go on, share these creepy crawly chuckles around – it’s about time everyone else got caught in our web of hilarity!

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