89 Hilarious Train Puns That Will Make Your Sides Ache with Laughter

All aboard the laughter express! If you have your tickets ready, it’s time to chug along to a destination where the smiles never fade and chuckles last all day long – our delightful compilation of banter with a special theme – Trains! We’ve got a whopping number of 89 one-of-a-kind puns and jokes that are guaranteed to tickle your funny bone and steam up your sense of humor.

Whether you’re a seasoned rail-rover or a fan of wordplay, this list of train-tastic humor has something in store for everyone. So, hang onto your hats and watch your step as we transport you through a tunnel of amusement. ‘Track’ down your favorite gag or joke, and ‘engine’-er a masterpiece of laughter for your family and friends to enjoy. Locomote no further for laughter, the next stop on this line is gut-busting giggles!

  • A railroad conductor needs to make sure he doesn’t go down the wrong track and lose his train of thought.
  • Driving trains is a lot more difficult than it steams!
  • Why does the conductor never laugh at puns? He keeps losing his train of thought.
  • Always keep an eye on train puns, they can go off the rails without warning!
  • My buddy made the grand final of the national model train competition. Unfortunately, he lost on points.
  • I finally figured out why you always try to drive me crazy. You have a locomotive.
  • Why did the ghost get fired from his job at the railroad? He couldn’t coordinate the skeleton service!
  • No matter what, the train I regularly take home is always late. It’s a slowcomotive.
  • Why was the train conductor always jumping around? He had loco-motivation.
  • Why was the train a great actor? It knew how to stay on script and never missed a cue!
  • How do you find a missing train? Hire an expert to follow the tracks.
  • If you spend too much time walking on railroad tracks it might leave you feeling run down.
  • Why was the train never lonely? It always had a couple of boxcars.
  • I tried to get a job as a railway conductor, but they didn’t think I had enough training.
  • I wanted to put together this list of funny train puns a while ago, but I just kept getting side tracked.
  • Why did the train win at poker? It always plays its tracks right.
  • Why was the train wearing a tie? It wanted to look choo-choo-chic!
  • The train conductor was a very sneaky woman, she always had a track or two up her sleeve.
  • Railroad workers need to be sure they always keep their train of thought, or else they might go down the wrong track and get someone hurt.
  • The conductor’s mailbox is always stuffed with letters. He receives plenty of freight mail.
  • We ended up canceling our trip because all of our plans went down the train.
  • I’ve always been a big fan of a funny one-liner. I guess that’s why I like monorails so much!
  • What do you call a sick locomotive? A train with a coal-d.
  • I always like chewing gum on the train. Unlike teachers, locomotives always tell you to choo choo.
  • What does a monster see when it sees a train full of passengers? A chew chew train.
  • Why was the train always eating? It was on a strict freight diet.
  • Conductors can be quite intimidating when you get them angry. Make sure you don’t yank their train!
  • It was exhausting to listen to the conductor’s argument because she had a one-track mind. It was enough to drive you loco.
  • Why was the train upset? It was feeling derailed.
  • I was going to ask the conductor a question when he walked by, but I was too afreight to ask.
  • No matter where you are, you’ll never see happy railroad tracks. Too many people have crossed them.
  • It’s always great working with a train conductor. They’re always ready to take one for the steam.
  • Why do trains always carry gum? They like to go chew-chew!
  • Why don’t trains ever play hide and seek? They always follow the tracks!
  • Why can’t train engineers get electrocuted? They’re not the conductor.
  • It’s hard to find anyone with more focus than a train driver. They have complete tunnel vision.
  • When the train engineer decided he wanted to run for office, he put the development of brailways for the blind as his main priority.
  • Train drivers are quite clever and known for their engine-uity.
  • The conductor has never missed a day of work in over 20 years on the job. He was there come train or shine.
  • What do you call a locomotive that keeps sneezing? Achoo choo train.
  • Why are trains the perfect pet? They have great track records.
  • Why do trains never get angry? They’ve got steam to let off!
  • I once asked a conductor how many times a train he was on had gotten derailed. He told me it was hard to keep track.
  • Why did the bicycle break up with the train? It was tired of playing second track!
  • What did the mother steam engine say to her baby to get her to eat? “Here comes the choo choo train! ”
  • What’s one easy way to tell if a train just passed? It leaves tracks.
  • It’s a freight day to go for a ride on a train.
  • Why did the train robber take the conductor’s glasses? He wanted to loot and scoot!
  • The train conductor was feeling silly and decided to wear platform shoes to work.
  • What’s another name for a freight train that’s transporting gum? A chew-chew train.
  • What sort of car does a crazy person drive? A locomotive.
  • Even the toughest train engineer needs a brake to let off some steam.
  • Why do trains make great managers? They keep everything on track.
  • The conductor kept telling me funny train puns, and it was hard to keep a freight face.
  • The cops were investigating the recent theft of a train. They suspected the culprit had a locomotive.
  • Why was the train a great athlete? It did lots of track and field.
  • A locomotive conductor can only think of one thing at a time. They all have one track minds.
  • Railroad workers aren’t what they used to be. I remember in the good old days all the conductors were a little loco and full of self e-steam.
  • You can always tell when a train driver is stressed because they bite their rails.
  • Why do trains go to the gym? They like to stay in locomotive condition!
  • Why was the train a great musician? It had great composure.
  • I was able to pick up a few railway buffers for cheap the other day. I took advantage of an end of the line sale.
  • Why do trains take so long to arrive on Halloween? They’re running with a skeleton service.
  • Did you hear about the man who took the 6 o’clock train home? The police made him give it back.
  • I went to a throwback party at the train station. Everyone had on platforms.
  • Why did the train break up with his girlfriend? She had too much emotional freight.
  • There’s a guy I know who has been a big fan of monorails since he was little. I guess he’s just really into one liners!
  • How do locomotives hear? Through their enginears.
  • No one would ever find out how hard he trained, because he never got a platform to share it.
  • The conductor was right in the middle of his presentation when he lost his train of thought. Embarrassed, he quickly disembarked the room.
  • How does a train avoid detection? It covers its tracks.
  • When things look bad you just have to keep calm and carriage on.
  • The train conductor worked hard and got offered a promotion. It was a tram-endous opportunity.
  • Why don’t trains ever get lost? Because they always follow the right track.
  • I swear train conductors never get in trouble. They always seem to have a get out of rail free card.
  • Train conductors are known for their drinking. They can just keep chugging.
  • The train company had safety issues for years but were always able to cover their tracks.
  • Being a train driver is more difficult than it looks. Every detail needs to be kept track of.
  • How do you make the locomotive olympics? Train really hard.
  • Why are ghosts bad at lying? You can see right through them!
  • Why did the train engineer go to school? He wanted to keep his skills on track.
  • Why do trains make the best detectives? They always follow the tracks.
  • Being a train conductor requires you to get up early in the morning. Right at the track of dawn.
  • Everyone seems to have a crush on the train conductor. She’s quite at-track-tive.
  • The train driver was overloaded with work, but he just kept chugging along.
  • I had a friend who quit his gig as a newspaper reporter and took a train out of town. The ex-press train.
  • Wow, you really have to hand it to ticket inspectors…
  • Did you know that train conductors make great thieves? They’re really good at covering their tracks.
  • Teachers and railroad security are more similar than you might think. One of them trains the mind, while the other one minds the trains.

Well, there you chug it! We have rolled into the final station of this comically exhilarating journey, filled with 89 hilariously side-splitting train puns that would make even the sternest locomotive engineer crack up. We trust that these railroad-inspired puns have sparked a train of laughter, enough to derailing your day with guffaws. Remember, life is like a train ride, it has its ups and downs and, it’s much better when you pepper the journey with a little humor. So, keep the chuckles on track and make sure to share these rail-ly funny puns with your friends and family. After all, the laughter express never stops its journey!